Whenever I get the same questions over and over, I decide it is time to do a podcast. And this came up just a couple of days ago. The person on the other end of the phone call said, “Why should I even try? If I don’t save my marriage, it will just hurt more when I fail.”
For this very reason, many people never even try to save a hurting marriage. Ironically, by not taking any action, they are almost guaranteed to lose the marriage. . . and feel hurt — what they said they were somehow avoiding.
Human nature is to avoid immediate pain — even at the expense of greater pain down the road. We tend to do some “anticipatory hurting,” imagining the pain we might feel later. And so, we avoid a course that takes us to that feared hurting.
The only problem is, this often causes suffering almost immediately.
I asked my caller a quick question, “Okay, if you don’t work to save your marriage, what will happen to your marriage.” She paused. Then she admitted, “It will definitely fail.”
“In other words,” I commented, “if you do nothing, you will lose the marriage and be in pain. If you work on it, you MAY be hurting if it doesn’t work. But you MIGHT recover your marriage.”
My caller is now a client of mine, hard at work, saving her marriage.
Don’t protect yourself in a way that guarantees the hurt. Why not give it a shot?
(Listen below for more understanding of why we do this. And if you are ready to work on your marriage, grab my Save The Marriage System HERE.)