Are You An ‘Askhole’ With Your Spouse?: #53 Save Your Marriage Podcast

Don't be an AskHole with your spouse.Quick question:  are you an A-hole with your spouse?  Oops, I meant “AskHole.”

Are you familiar with the term?  It describes someone that asks a question, but is a jerk with the answer that is given.

Just observationally, I see couples do this in 6 ways.  One or the other asks a question, gets an answer, then disregards the answer.  In fact, sometimes the answer ends up being a weapon.

Do you do that?  Do you ask a question and then misuse the response?

Discover the 6 ways you could be an “ask-hole,” and then learn how to do it differently.

Don’t be an Ask-hole to your spouse!

5 Communication Mistakes You May Be Making: #52 Save Your Marriage Podcast

Don't make these communication mistakes in your marriage!Is communication an issue in your marriage?  Do you have communication problems, but are not sure how to solve them — or even what they are?

Many people believe that there marriage problems are communication problems.  I disagree.  I believe they are actually perception problems.

But that doesn’t mean there are no communication problems.  In fact, communication problems can end up frustrating anyone — and they can add to problems you are already having!

In this podcast, I cover 5 very common communication mistakes.  You are likely to be making at least one (and most people make at least 3).  Which mistake is your issue?

Let me know which one hits home for you!  Leave a comment in the area below.

What Plane Crashes, Scuba Accidents, Rampant Dinosaurs, and Medical Mistakes Have To Do With Your Marriage Crisis: #51 Save The Marriage Podcast

Why marriages succeed or fail.So what DO airplane and scuba accidents have to do with marriage problems?  What CAN rampaging dinosaurs and medical accidents teach us about your marriage problems?

As it turns out, A WHOLE HECK OF A LOT!

For years, I have had a strange fascination with reading Scuba accident reports.  And for about that same amount of time, science theories about accidents and chaos theory have been an interest.

The reason for this is because those same dynamics play a role in any system failure — including marriage!

“John” and “Susie” are not having problems because of an argument or even infidelity.  Those are just pieces of the puzzle.  The problem is that John and Susie keep looking at those little pieces — and they miss the bigger view — the one that COULD help them get back on track.

In this podcast, you will learn about the chain of events that create a marriage crisis.  You will learn about the pattern that spirals out of control and can spell catastrophe for a marriage.  And you will learn how shifting perspective can change the whole pattern.

Let me know what you think in the comments area below!

Time To Really Show Up In Your Marriage!: #50 Save Your Marriage Podcast

Show up in your marriage!We all do it.  We play it small.  We try to “slide by,” avoid the conflict, and hope something will change.

If you find yourself doing that, time to stop!  Life happens, problems end, and relationships improve, only when we finally commit to showing up.

Being present can radically change your relationship.  Really being there, present and attentive, can change your entire life.

So why don’t we show up?  Past hurts, fears, anger, resentment — they all can get in the way.

But letting those emotions and concerns get in your way only limits your life.  They only keep you trapped.

Free yourself and discover how to show up in this week’s podcast.

Let me know what you think in the comments area below!

Are You Courageously Compassionate? Doing What Needs To Be Done: #49 Save Your Marriage Podcast

courageous compassion can help your marriage.When we feel close to someone, compassion is easy.  It comes naturally.

But when we are hurt or angry, when we feel disconnection from someone, compassion is harder.

That is when you have to be “courageously compassionate.”

Sometimes, we let our feelings “call the shots.”  We get stuck.  We give up.  Or we become so frantic that we cause more problems.

But what happens when you change your perspective?  What happens when you view your spouse from a different perspective — a compassionate perspective?

Find out in today’s podcast, an encore presentation.

Do You Suffer From PPM Syndrome? How It Can Destroy Your Marriage!: #48 Save Your Marriage Podcast

How to save your marriage when someone has PPM Syndrome.Do you have it?  Do you or a loved one suffer from PPM Syndrome?  This syndrome infects many people — and they don’t know they have it.  When they hear the symptoms, many people continue to believe they do not have it.

Oh, sure, somebody they know has it, they tell themselves, but “not me.”  Let me suggest that many (if not most) people have some level of infection.

Does this syndrome hold you back?  Most likely.

Does this syndrome hurt your marriage?  Most likely.  Whether you have it, or spouse has it, or both of you have it, this syndrome will damage any relationship.

But there is good news!  There is relief.  There is an antidote.

Before you get the antidote, you must diagnose the infection.

Listen to this week’s podcast and determine if you (or someone you love) has PPM Syndrome (“poor pitiful me” syndrome).  It is far more dangerous and widespread than you may think!

Let me know about your infection (and how it is affecting your marriage) in the comments area below!

7 Strategies When You Hear “This Will Never Work and I Don’t Love You”: #47 Save Your Marriage Podcast

Emotions are not reality when saving your marriage.A kick in the gut.  Your spouse tells you “I don’t love you.”  Or as you are trying to save your relationship, your spouse says, “This will never work.”  It can take you to your knees.

You might want to give up.  You might believe your spouse is telling you the truth.

In actuality,  your spouse is really telling you about his or her emotional state.  And an emotional state is not the same as reality.  Emotions change.

But you do NOT want to make it worse.  You don’t want to respond in certain ways that will only cause your partner to more deeply believe the story he/she is telling to you (and to him/herself).

In this week’s podcast, I explain the truth behind these definitive and painful statements, plus 7 tips and strategies to make sure things don’t get worse (and in fact, get better!).

Let me know your thoughts and experiences in the comments area below!

 

5 Steps To A Midlife Marriage Mess; 5 Steps Through A Midlife Marriage Mess: #46 Save Your Marriage Podcast

How to save your marriage in a midlife crisis.Midlife crisis.  It is the brunt of many jokes.  Some people say there is no such thing.  Evidently, they have never had a spouse go through a midlife crisis.

Some people scoff at people who buy a new sports car, change their diet/exercise/activities/friends, look for another love interest, change careers, or any other “symptom” of the crisis.  But this misses the reality, depth, and pain of such a crisis.

There are 5 steps that create a midlife marriage crisis, and there are 5 tasks required to successfully navigate the crisis.

If you are trying to survive a midlife crisis of a spouse, you will want to tune in and learn about why the crisis is there, how it can be useful, and how to change the outcome, so you can save your marriage (and your sanity!).

Did you know this crisis can be an opportunity for growth?

Did you know this crisis may propel your relationship to a whole other level (much deeper and satisfying)?

Did you know there are ways to keep the crisis from getting stuck?

Learn the 5 steps in and out, so that you can change the direction of a downward spiral, revive your marriage, and become healthier from it all.

Let me know what you think in the comments area below!

7 Steps To A Marriage Saving Mindset: #45 Save Your Marriage Podcast

Save your marriage by reaching for more.If you have decided to save your marriage, you have REACHED toward something many people don’t.

Saving your marriage can be a difficult process.  It will challenge you emotionally, physically, mentally, and spiritually.  And in the process, you can choose whether to fall victim to the process or be transformed by the process.

In this podcast, I invite you to be transformed.  In fact, I offer you 7 steps that will allow you to transform your mindset, your life, and quite possibly, your marriage.  If you follow these 7 steps, you will find a path of growth.  If you do not, you may find yourself caught in blame and misery.

Please take a listen and let me know what you think.  Would you add any other steps?  How have you already taken some of the steps?  What steps WILL you take?  Commit to the change and let us know in the comments area below.

3 Things You MUST Do After An Argument: #44 Save Your Marriage Podcast

Arguments.  We all have them.  Few of us believe they are useful.  Most people find them hurtful and destructive.

Yet we still argue.

After a lifetime of arguments, do we really believe that this argument or the next one is going to work better?

And yet we still argue.

A number of years ago, I was speaking with a very conflicted couple.  They were once again arguing in my office.  I once again stopped them as they began to spiral down into yet another argument about yet the same issues they had covered over and over in the past (with no resolution).

I told them we HAD to get the arguing stopped.  I noted the arguments they were having were not solving anything, and weren’t even trying to solve anything.  They were just trying to score points against each other.  They looked at each other, looked at me blankly, and said, “If we don’t argue, what will we do?”

Habit.  Their arguing had become habit.  It was their default way of communicating.  They solved nothing, but they couldn’t figure out another way to communicate.

Been there?  Done that?  Argued and argued, even with that small voice telling you, “This is not going to go well.  This is not going to solve anything.”  Or perhaps you had another little belief, “This time, they will see that I am right.  This time, my spouse will see that my logic, my reasoning, is correct.”

My guess is the argument ended the same way:  both people hurt and neither person changing views.  In fact, generally, we dig in even deeper and hold even tighter to our beliefs (even if we might secretly doubt ourselves).  And you might even find yourself justifying that you’ve been done wrong (those thoughts may even be worthy of a country music song).

Why do we do it?  Why do we argue?  This week, in the Save Your Marriage Podcast, I cover some reasons why we argue, why they don’t work, and what to do about it.

The real focus, though, are the 3 things you MUST do after an argument.  Let me tell you now:  none of the 3 are about an apology.  That is too easy.  This is about getting below the argument and examining what is going on with YOU, and why YOU got caught up in the argument.

Only from there can anything change.

Let me know what you think in the comments are below!


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