Time To Really Show Up In Your Marriage!: #50 Save Your Marriage Podcast

Show up in your marriage!We all do it.  We play it small.  We try to “slide by,” avoid the conflict, and hope something will change.

If you find yourself doing that, time to stop!  Life happens, problems end, and relationships improve, only when we finally commit to showing up.

Being present can radically change your relationship.  Really being there, present and attentive, can change your entire life.

So why don’t we show up?  Past hurts, fears, anger, resentment — they all can get in the way.

But letting those emotions and concerns get in your way only limits your life.  They only keep you trapped.

Free yourself and discover how to show up in this week’s podcast.

Let me know what you think in the comments area below!

Are You Courageously Compassionate? Doing What Needs To Be Done: #49 Save Your Marriage Podcast

courageous compassion can help your marriage.When we feel close to someone, compassion is easy.  It comes naturally.

But when we are hurt or angry, when we feel disconnection from someone, compassion is harder.

That is when you have to be “courageously compassionate.”

Sometimes, we let our feelings “call the shots.”  We get stuck.  We give up.  Or we become so frantic that we cause more problems.

But what happens when you change your perspective?  What happens when you view your spouse from a different perspective — a compassionate perspective?

Find out in today’s podcast, an encore presentation.

Do You Suffer From PPM Syndrome? How It Can Destroy Your Marriage!: #48 Save Your Marriage Podcast

How to save your marriage when someone has PPM Syndrome.Do you have it?  Do you or a loved one suffer from PPM Syndrome?  This syndrome infects many people — and they don’t know they have it.  When they hear the symptoms, many people continue to believe they do not have it.

Oh, sure, somebody they know has it, they tell themselves, but “not me.”  Let me suggest that many (if not most) people have some level of infection.

Does this syndrome hold you back?  Most likely.

Does this syndrome hurt your marriage?  Most likely.  Whether you have it, or spouse has it, or both of you have it, this syndrome will damage any relationship.

But there is good news!  There is relief.  There is an antidote.

Before you get the antidote, you must diagnose the infection.

Listen to this week’s podcast and determine if you (or someone you love) has PPM Syndrome (“poor pitiful me” syndrome).  It is far more dangerous and widespread than you may think!

Let me know about your infection (and how it is affecting your marriage) in the comments area below!

7 Strategies When You Hear “This Will Never Work and I Don’t Love You”: #47 Save Your Marriage Podcast

Emotions are not reality when saving your marriage.A kick in the gut.  Your spouse tells you “I don’t love you.”  Or as you are trying to save your relationship, your spouse says, “This will never work.”  It can take you to your knees.

You might want to give up.  You might believe your spouse is telling you the truth.

In actuality,  your spouse is really telling you about his or her emotional state.  And an emotional state is not the same as reality.  Emotions change.

But you do NOT want to make it worse.  You don’t want to respond in certain ways that will only cause your partner to more deeply believe the story he/she is telling to you (and to him/herself).

In this week’s podcast, I explain the truth behind these definitive and painful statements, plus 7 tips and strategies to make sure things don’t get worse (and in fact, get better!).

Let me know your thoughts and experiences in the comments area below!


5 Steps To A Midlife Marriage Mess; 5 Steps Through A Midlife Marriage Mess: #46 Save Your Marriage Podcast

How to save your marriage in a midlife crisis.Midlife crisis.  It is the brunt of many jokes.  Some people say there is no such thing.  Evidently, they have never had a spouse go through a midlife crisis.

Some people scoff at people who buy a new sports car, change their diet/exercise/activities/friends, look for another love interest, change careers, or any other “symptom” of the crisis.  But this misses the reality, depth, and pain of such a crisis.

There are 5 steps that create a midlife marriage crisis, and there are 5 tasks required to successfully navigate the crisis.

If you are trying to survive a midlife crisis of a spouse, you will want to tune in and learn about why the crisis is there, how it can be useful, and how to change the outcome, so you can save your marriage (and your sanity!).

Did you know this crisis can be an opportunity for growth?

Did you know this crisis may propel your relationship to a whole other level (much deeper and satisfying)?

Did you know there are ways to keep the crisis from getting stuck?

Learn the 5 steps in and out, so that you can change the direction of a downward spiral, revive your marriage, and become healthier from it all.

Let me know what you think in the comments area below!

7 Steps To A Marriage Saving Mindset: #45 Save Your Marriage Podcast

Save your marriage by reaching for more.If you have decided to save your marriage, you have REACHED toward something many people don’t.

Saving your marriage can be a difficult process.  It will challenge you emotionally, physically, mentally, and spiritually.  And in the process, you can choose whether to fall victim to the process or be transformed by the process.

In this podcast, I invite you to be transformed.  In fact, I offer you 7 steps that will allow you to transform your mindset, your life, and quite possibly, your marriage.  If you follow these 7 steps, you will find a path of growth.  If you do not, you may find yourself caught in blame and misery.

Please take a listen and let me know what you think.  Would you add any other steps?  How have you already taken some of the steps?  What steps WILL you take?  Commit to the change and let us know in the comments area below.

3 Things You MUST Do After An Argument: #44 Save Your Marriage Podcast

Arguments.  We all have them.  Few of us believe they are useful.  Most people find them hurtful and destructive.

Yet we still argue.

After a lifetime of arguments, do we really believe that this argument or the next one is going to work better?

And yet we still argue.

A number of years ago, I was speaking with a very conflicted couple.  They were once again arguing in my office.  I once again stopped them as they began to spiral down into yet another argument about yet the same issues they had covered over and over in the past (with no resolution).

I told them we HAD to get the arguing stopped.  I noted the arguments they were having were not solving anything, and weren’t even trying to solve anything.  They were just trying to score points against each other.  They looked at each other, looked at me blankly, and said, “If we don’t argue, what will we do?”

Habit.  Their arguing had become habit.  It was their default way of communicating.  They solved nothing, but they couldn’t figure out another way to communicate.

Been there?  Done that?  Argued and argued, even with that small voice telling you, “This is not going to go well.  This is not going to solve anything.”  Or perhaps you had another little belief, “This time, they will see that I am right.  This time, my spouse will see that my logic, my reasoning, is correct.”

My guess is the argument ended the same way:  both people hurt and neither person changing views.  In fact, generally, we dig in even deeper and hold even tighter to our beliefs (even if we might secretly doubt ourselves).  And you might even find yourself justifying that you’ve been done wrong (those thoughts may even be worthy of a country music song).

Why do we do it?  Why do we argue?  This week, in the Save Your Marriage Podcast, I cover some reasons why we argue, why they don’t work, and what to do about it.

The real focus, though, are the 3 things you MUST do after an argument.  Let me tell you now:  none of the 3 are about an apology.  That is too easy.  This is about getting below the argument and examining what is going on with YOU, and why YOU got caught up in the argument.

Only from there can anything change.

Let me know what you think in the comments are below!

Why Do Good People Have Bad Marriages?: #43 Save Your Marriage Podcast

Why do good people have bad marriages and how to save it.In my years as a therapist, I met the nicest people. . . many suffering in painful relationships.

Sometimes, it can seem so confusing.  Why can two nice people struggle so much to have a good marriage?  How do two people that seemed so loving when they married, end up feeling frustrated and ready to walk away?

There are some reasons why this happens.  In fact, there is a common pattern, almost a cascade of events, that leads to a painful, conflicted, or disconnected relationship.

The nice thing is once you see the pattern, you can begin to break the pattern and rebuild the relationship.

Would you like to know about that pattern?

Please listen to the free podcast audio below and discover the reasons why good people can have a bad marriage — and how to keep that from happening.

Oh, and let me know what you think in the comments are below.

And if you are ready to get started rebuilding, please grab my Save The Marriage System HERE.

Is Your Marriage Chronically Stuck and Acutely Painful?: #42 Save Your Marriage Podcast

Save your marriage in spite of chronic hurt and acute pain.Is your marriage in a chronic state of stuck?  Does your relationship suffer from acute periods of pain?  Often, those moments of acute pain lead to a chronic state of “stuck.”  But that chronic state of “stuck” also creates the potential for more moments of acute pain.

Feeling stuck can lead to reactions of pain and anger.  And those flares of pain and anger simply adds to the feeling of being stuck.

Do you stay stuck or do you leave for something better?  Or do you find a third solution:  a way to move the marriage out of stuck and to what Relationship Coach Annette Carpien refers to as having a “juicy marriage?”

Annette should know.  She is a part of my team of highly skilled, highly trained, and highly effective Relationship Coaches.  But more than that, she has traveled the terrain.  She went from stuck to “juicy marriage” in her own life.  gling

In this podcast, Annette and I discuss how to break through the pain, how to break through the stuckness, even how to break through a desire to quit the relationship.  We talk about how your thoughts get in your way, how to stop struggling with your thoughts, and then how to choose your thoughts.

We discuss some habits you can make for yourself to “rewire” your behavior and your brain, and how to shift your relationship to one of vision and possibility.

Ready to discover and build a “juicy marriage?”  Please take a listen.

The Trick to Saving Your Marriage. Careful. . . .: #41 Save Your Marriage Podcast

Look in the mirror while you save your marriage.Are you working to save your marriage?  Are you trying to figure out the trick to doing that?

Be careful.

Yesterday, I sent an email out to a group, asking what their “burning question” was about how to save a marriage.

Within minutes, the emails started coming in.  By the end of the night, hundreds of emails were in my inbox.  They are still arriving today.

I asked the question for one simple reason:  I wanted to know what people might want to hear about or read about in my articles and podcasts.

There were some common themes about affairs and disconnected marriages.  There were concerns on how to communicate with a distant or angry spouse.  There were questions about how to approach issues like money, children, finances, forgiveness, and household responsibilities.

And there were questions about “tricks” or techniques to short-cut the process.  We all want that, don’t we?  The diet industry makes a fortune each year, parading out the latest tip or trick to turn that fat to muscle.

We all want the short-cuts, the most direct route to anything.  This is especially true about painful things — saving your marriage being one of those.

In this week’s podcast, I wanted to talk about how to save your marriage, but without falling into the “trap” of a “trick.”  Sometimes, those “tricks” really run counter to who we truly are.  We find ourselves making ethical and moral “adjustments” that leave us unable to feel good about looking in the mirror.

There are 5 points to keep in mind, as you work to save your marriage.  Listen and learn those 5 points.

Let me know if you would add others in the comments area below!