Summer: The Death Season For Marriage
Here in the States, it is Memorial Day. For some people, this is a remembrance for those who gave their lives in war.
But for most folks, it simply marks the beginning of the summer season. Ah, the livin’ is easy. . . at least according to the songs.
School is out in most places, and the atmosphere just takes on a little more relaxed pace. People are out playing ball, taking a walk, swinging on the front porch, taking a vacation. Things just seem to slow down.
For me, summer marks a shift in marriages. Many marriages will end this season. Summer brings with it a break in the routine, and for many people, a transition point in marriage. Some people have been silently making plans. Other times, the couple have been marking the days until summer to finally take action.
The ending dates are predictable in lots of cases: just after the holidays, after an important date (birthdays), before important dates (anniversaries), and summertime. This is especially true when kids are involved. The couple reasons that there are several months for everyone to adjust.
Bad news: there is never a good time to end a relationship. Rationalize it all you want, but there is never a good way, never a good time, and never a least-damaging way.
My hope is that people will take the summer and work on their relationships. The slowdown means there are less activities that are scheduled. Spend some time together. Play together as a family. Choose to forgive and move ahead. Keep the marriage together!
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As a psychotherapist working with couples, I agree with you that often marriages end up in divorce after the summer, often before the children go back to school. At the same time, sometimes the summer is the time where couples are together more and seek out professional help as well. Family vacations are often a “bone of contention” if the old patterns of relating remain the same. I also find that early January or the new year is a time when couples divorce as well. Are there other peak times during the year that you find people separating or in the process of starting a divorce? Good articles and blog!
Garth,
Thanks for the kind comments! Truthfully, it seems like any big transition time makes for a danger point. Just after the holidays, just after school starts, etc. Believe it or not, just after an anniversary. Any time there is that sense of something big either approaching or just passing seems to be a place of risk for on-the-edge marriages. For example, sometimes people think “I’ll make it to the holidays.” They fake a smile, then right after the holiday, surprise their spouse with the news.
Lee