We Create What We Believe!
Wow! What a morning! It really brought my understandings into focus. I met with three couples in three hours, all with the same basic problem: they were creating what they believed.
If you follow my work, you know that a central belief I hold is that we all have a paradigm, an understanding of the world. This paradigm helps us make sense of the world. We notice occasions and circumstances that validate our world, and we ignore occasions and circumstances that challenge our beliefs.
Now, I will take it one step further: we create our world to match our beliefs! We take an active role in making the world validate our beliefs. Believe you are unlovable? You will end up living your life in a way that causes you to be treated unlovably. More specifically, you will interpret events you create as proving you are unlovable.
I say the last sentence, because the person(s) making you feel unlovable are somehow living out their beliefs, too — causing you to validate their beliefs. This is powerful stuff! You can begin to understand your beliefs, then begin to see how you interpret others’ actions as validators of your beliefs.
This is not a claim that we purposely, consciously weave reality. Nor do I even think it is actually weaving and creating reality. Instead, it is on a deep, unconscious level. And it is about how we create and interpret the situations.
What do you believe? It is easy to see. Just look around you. You live in a world that reflects your beliefs.
More later.
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More marriage saving information can be found in my ebook, SAVE YOUR MARRIAGE HERE.
Completely on point. The challenge is in changing the ingrained patterning that causes an undesirable worldview that we work at maintaining. Simply knowing that we do this is insufficient. We act “automatically” even when we know better.
In my case, I was told overtly as a child that it would have been better had I not been born. As an adult I understand the history of depression and emotional problems in my family and comprehend that my parents too were products of their environment.
But this knowledge does not prevent me from behaving in ways that reinforce in others a feeling that I believe them to find me unsatisfactory or unlovable.
A paradigm shift is a challenge.
Have you had experience with seniors (60ish) in second marriages after both spouses died? The cancer-ridden mother (8 yrs)made her adult daughters promise that their father would NEVER be with another woman. The second wife (me) did not know this bit of information until after the wedding when all the anger, resentment, rudeness, meaness, disrespect started to manifest. He knew they were not warm to me but they turned on the guilt which caused us unbearable stress. My husband couldn’t “alienate his family” so we split on our second wedding anniversary. The daughters (late thirties) say they had nothing to do with the split and now they wish me well!(In three years that is the most warmth I’ve had from them!)I bet you couldn’t save a marriage controlled from the grave.