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Monthly Archives :

November 2015

Thanksgiving: Gratitude and Your Marriage
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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Happy Thanksgiving!Here in the States, we are in the midst of the week of Thanksgiving. In fact, as this podcast comes out, it will be Thanksgiving.  If you are celebrating, I hope you are with the ones you love.  But whether you are or not, I hope you are inhaling gratitude and exhaling thanks.

The more research we do on gratitude and appreciation, the more we see how crucial it is for mental and relational well-being.

Since I am with my family, remembering all for which I am grateful, I wanted to share a Thanksgiving message, an encore presentation.

Many people fail to see where that place of thankfulness and gratitude may just transform your marriage.  So, I share that with you today.

Oh, and I promise, thankfulness and gratitude WILL transform your life!

Happy Thanksgiving, wherever you are!

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There Is No PAUSE Button For A Marriage
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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There is no Pause button in a marriage.Too many people think they hit “Pause” on their marriage.  They are waiting for something to happen, and then it will be time for their marriage.  Maybe it is when the kids hit a certain age (or leave the house), when a career gets to some certain point, when goals are achieved, etc., etc., etc.

There is only one problem:  there is NO PAUSE for a marriage!

Marriages, and all relationships, are either growing or declining, proceeding or receding.

There is no pause.

The lifeblood of any marriage is connection.  When people think they hit the pause button, usually, the connection is also paused.  And when connection is paused, the circulation system of the relationship is choked.  The relationship begins to suffocate.  Soon, frustration builds.  Disconnection accelerates.

And that is when I have clients tell me, “I thought we were OK.  I knew we were a little disconnected, but I thought it was just a life stage.  I thought we would come back to the relationship when. . . .”  And they discover a spouse who is feeling done.

There is no pause in a relationship.

RELATED RESOURCES:
Don’t Chase
Have A Plan
Build The Connection
Think WE
Speak The Love Language
Grab The System

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4 Mind Modes Killing Your Relationship
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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Break free from the 4 destructive mind modes of flight, fight, spite, and right. Go for the modes of sight and unite.What is a “mind mode”?  This is what happens when your brain is caught in a state.  Sometimes, it is held hostage to a reactive state.  Other times, you get to choose a shift.

The dangerous modes are all reactive, based in fear, threat, and the desire to win (or at least be right).  Then there are 2 other modes that you can choose to adopt.

On automatic, in the midst of a relationship crisis, the 4 dangerous modes grab you and call the shots.  When you take your mind off automatic, you get to call the shots.

Here are the 4 destructive modes:

  1. Flight
  2. Fight
  3. Right
  4. Spite

Which mode grips you?  The dangerous (and destructive) modes or the constructive modes?

RELATED RESOURCES:
What’s Your Why?
What’s Your Plan?
Show Up
Shift Your Mode

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3 Relationship Killers (and 3 Nurturers)
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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3 Relationship Killers.It may not be on purpose.  But many couples commit relationship murder.  They kill their relationship by accident.

So far, I have NEVER had someone tell me they intentionally set out to slay the marriage.  But the result is the same.  Voluntary or involuntary, the killing of the relationship is the same.

Let me just warn you that these relationship killers sneak in.  And that is why they are so dangerous.  You may not even see them coming.  And you may not see the results. . . until later.

The good news:  there are also some things that nurture a relationship.  (It isn’t ALL bad news!)

Let me share the nurturer’s too!

First, we want to be clear about what to avoid.  But next, we want to be clear on what to pursue.  How to nurture the relationship.

What killers and nurturers did I miss?  Let me know in the comments area below.

 

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