So what is that path?  I will come back to it in just a moment.  First, let me tell you why marriages fall apart in so many ways.

Each way is really only a symptom of an underlying issue.  Marriages all need the same thing to stay together:  commitment and connection.  When either falters, it is only a matter of time before the symptoms start showing.  But don’t confuse symptom with cause.

Boredom?  A result of lack of connection.

Growing apart?  Same thing.

Affairs and infidelity?  Lack of commitment and connection.

Power struggles?  Same thing.

The list could go on and on.

But the path back is much easier to see.  The path back is all about connection and commitment.  But since it is likely that only you are working on it at this point, let’s focus a bit.

There are two parallel processes that need to be happening in order to pull the marriage back together.  Path 1 is about reconnecting.  But reconnection must be done carefully.  Our tendency is to overwhelm the other person with affection.  But all that creates is the reverse.  It causes people to resist, not move together.  The last thing anyone wants when they feel disconnected is pressure to connect.  If you want to use a system that has helped many to reconnect, go here.

Path 2, which you need to be doing at the same time is self-improvement.  Yep, work on yourself.

If your voice in your head is yelling “why should I have to do that?” then hang with me.  First, the obvious reason is because you are the one that wants something different.  So you are the one that takes action.

But second, let’s be honest — we ALL have room for growth.  And there is no reason to not move in that direction.  We all get lazy in life, a bit sloppy in following our life path.  And we all have the potential for being so much more than we are right now.

So why not embrace that?  Move ahead with it?

You see, your spouse is justifying why he or she needs to get out.  And they justify it based on you and your actions.  So be more than you have been become the best person you can be.  You have nothing to lose, and everything to gain!

Join me here if you are ready to take action on saving your marriage!

“Oh, he is very busy. . . and I felt guilty about dragging him in. . . and he said that if I would just let him miss this time. . . .”

I had heard all this before.  My office is filled with people wanting to save their marriage.  In fact, they almost always start their phone call with “save my marriage, please!”

Then they start explaining why it is not THEIR fault, but the other person’s fault.

So, what happened the next week when Jack came in?  It was not his fault!  It was THEIR problem, though.  And the first step in solving any marriage problem is to get BOTH to see that NEITHER can be fully blamed.  And either, or both, can take responsibility to address the issues at hand.

Does that mean that saving a marriage is a task for just one?

No, but it does mean that one person can actually start the process.

But step one is to stop the “Blame Game.”  Start looking for responsibility.  “What can I do in this situation, to start moving it toward success” is far better than “This is all his/her fault.”  Or the variation I love, “I know it is not his/her fault entirely, but it is probably (choose any number over 50)% theirs.

If only it were that simple!  Even actions that lead to issues have starting places that included both people.  But more about that later. . . .

Their slogan, “for the few to be immortal, many must die”. So, they hoard time, and meanwhile, the masses live, quite literally, minute-to-minute.

So, my analysis of the movie is that it is a very intriguing and thought-provoking idea caught without a decent plot.

But, as I said, it makes you think. Time as the ultimate commodity. What if that was the case?

Oh, yeah. It is! When we make a purchase, we are trading the time it took to make that money for that product. That $5 coffee? Calculate how long it took to make the $5, then decide if it is worth it. And that is without adding in the loss of that $5 for future earnings. We trade our time for our possessions. And experiences. The movie is already true!

But what does that have to do with marriage? Lots!

How much time do we waste acting as if our marriage was worthless? For instance, think of all the time a couple loses in worthless arguing and struggling, somehow pretending that a) there must be a winner, and b) if they keep going, they will arrive at a conclusion.

Scoring points. That is the typical goal in most arguments. “Let me prove my point, and then you will see I am right.”. But how many of those arguments are just differences of opinion? Take those out, and you have a 90% reduction in arguments, making the other 10% much easier to solve.

Or how about how much time we spend unhappy, but unwilling to really work at it?

Now, some will use this as rationale for divorce. Get out of a bad relationship and move on.

If only it were that easy! People greatly underestimate the devastation of a divorce. It is crippling to kids, adults, finances, etc., etc., etc.

But being stuck isn’t the answer. Here’s the deal, pointed out in the movie: we are going to die. How we spend the time between here and there is our only choice. Wasting it in conflict, or using it to build a treasured relationship?

Your choice.

Problem is, too many people forget one thing:  knowledge that is not applied is useless.  Knowledge is NOT power.  Applied knowledge, THAT is power!

On a daily basis, I hear from people who want to save their marriage.  Just this morning, a gentleman asked me for “a few pointers” to save his marriage.  I referred him to my Save The Marriage System.  But I get the feeling that he just wanted a couple of points.

He wanted the “magic knowledge.”  And that is what sometimes worries me.  Are you ready to take action?  Or have you been seduced by society’s obsession with “the easy answer.”  Most easy answers are not even answers.  But more than that, how many people even apply them?

All I have to do is look at my bookcase at all the “information” available to me.  Wow!  I have a solution for many problems. . . and they would probably work — if I applied the information!

My point is, sometimes we get so caught up in chasing information that we never take the next step — action.

Are you wanting to save your marriage?  Stop a divorce?  Improve your relationship?

Do yourself a favor:  once you have some information you trust, spend some time implementing and trying it out.  Don’t keep looking for more information.  Try it out!

About 6 months ago, I got serious about really getting into shape.  I found some information I trusted.  And I applied it.  Want to know what happened?  I lost weight, got fit, and am now in the best shape of my life.

Several people asked me what I did.  I told them.  Some even got the book.  One joked “I read it and nothing happened.  Do you mean I have to do something different?”

Indeed, knowledge is NOT power.  Applied knowledge, THAT is power!  Get the information you need, then take action!  A new year and new life awaits you!

Ready to change your life and your marriage?  Grab this information and save your marriage!

“We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.”
–Albert Einstein

. . . Except for all the relationships that end over the holidays!  Divorce attorneys hear the phones ringing.  People are dividing up property, arguing and fighting, and finding themselves at the end of a relationship.

Are you surprised?  Or perhaps that is exactly what landed you here.

We humans seem to like to pick arbitrary points in time.  So, some people have said to themselves, “I will end this by the end of the year.” Or “I will be gone by Christmas.”

Others see the opportunity of school being out to make a transition.  They somehow imagine that breaking up a family will be better done while the kids are on break!

So, the holidays see a spike in breakups.  And suddenly, the joy of the season is replaced by pain and resentment.  In fact, the holidays, from then on, mark the breakup.

How sad.  And how useless.  In the consumer world that seems to too often mark this season, we do the same with relationships:  “this relationship just isn’t as fun as it once was.  Time to move on.”

Ah, the love of the bright, shiny and new!  The allure of the merchandise in the window is no different than the allure of a new relationship.  One we imagine to be free of defects and problems.

If I look in my basement, I see any number of electronic items that tell me that we humans are only fooling ourselves, whether it is the new electronics or the new love interest.

Might you revive your relationship?  Might you save your marriage?  Discover how by CLICKING HERE.  Give yourself a present that really matters!

Many people want me to help the stop a divorce.  But over the years, I have realized that stopping your divorce is just not enough.  My job, my mission, is to help you improve your marriage.  I do not think it is adequate to simply stop a legal process and have a marriage just keep limping along.  There are a couple of reasons why.

First, I truly believe that life is just too short to be in an unhappy marriage.  And life is too short to suffer all the pain of a divorce.  But life is well lived, learning how to be in a loving and supportive, intimate marriage.

Second, when people tell me “I just want things to get back to the way they were,” I happen to know that “where they were” is how people get to “where we are.”  Again, heading back to that is heading back to stuck.

Third, marriage is something that should be cherished, nurtured and protected.   Not doing that means that we have really missed out on an opportunity for growth and enlightenment.

So, notice that my site is not  named StopYourDivorce.  It is Save The Marriage — save YOUR marriage, and make it something great!

Ready to join me?  Learn more by going to the home page of Save The Marriage.