Posts Tagged :

being nice to spouse

“Is It All About Being The ‘Nice Guy/Gal’?” – NOPE
150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

Is it just about being a nice guy / gal? Nope. But that isn't a bad place to start.Many of my podcasts come from questions from listeners (if you have an idea for a podcast, email me here).  And that is absolutely true this week.  In fact, it is from an email I received.

The question was fair.  So, I decided to respond for everyone to hear.

Here is the basic question:  “Is your System really just about being the ‘nice guy’?  If so, doesn’t that mean you get disrespected?”  (I will read the email, minus identifying info, in the episode.)

So, yes, I do think being a nice person is a good start.  But no, that is not the real point of my System.  Being civil is a building block, a starting point.

Being a jerk is rarely a good start on rebuilding.

But the nice, that is just about being civil.  Not a “push-over.”  In fact, I believe having boundaries and setting them is critical.  But so is having a high standard for yourself.

My whole System?  Nope.

A good starting point?  Absolutely.  It always is.

But not if you just allow yourself to be walked on.

Listen to this episode for more details and explanation.

RELATED RESOURCES
Being Civil
Connection Is Lifeblood
Show Up
Apologies and Forgiving
Save The Marriage System

Civility And Respect Is A Choice: Immutable Law Of Marriage
150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

Civility and Respect, Always A Choice:  Immutable Law Of MarriageToo frequently, I have clients who treat me with great respect, being very civil.  I keep thinking, “What a nice person.”

Then, their spouse comes in.  Civility and respect are out the window.  More often than not, both are equally uncivil and disrespectful.  Unfortunately, neither seem to recognize that each has a choice.  Civility and respect, both, are always a choice.

How about you?  Do you choose to be civil?  Do you choose to be respectful? (Regardless of your spouse’s actions!)

Civility and respect can be the foundation for building/rebuilding a strong marriage.

But you have to choose it.

Listen to this week’s podcast for more help on this.

Immutable Laws Of Marriage Series
#1 Marriage Is About Becoming A WE
#2 Marriage Is NOT A Vehicle for Happiness (Or Misery)
#3 We ALL Have Fear
#4 There Is NO Pause
#5 Connection Is The Lifeblood
#6 The Goal Of Conflict Is Progress
#7 Love Is What You Do
#8 Look For The Best In Your Spouse
#9 You Have To Show Up