Posts Tagged :

how can i save my marriage

“What If I CAN’T Save It?” — Your Fears Addressed
150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

"What If I can't save my marriage?"Two phone calls the same day.  Both with the same question:  “What if I CAN’T save my marriage?”  One had been working at it for awhile.  The other hadn’t started (and was trying to decide whether to even start).

It’s a common question that gets asked at 3 different times in the process.  Each has a different meaning.  All share a fear.

That fear can keep you from taking action, talk you into giving up, or serve to inform you.

This week, I want to take on the question, “What if I can’t save it?”, because not every marriage can be saved.  (But NONE will be saved without action.)

Don’t let the question trip you up.  Understand what’s behind it.  And learn my answer to the question.

Listen below. . .

(And if you are ready to get started, GRAB MY SAVE THE MARRIAGE SYSTEM HERE.)

Don’t Wait For Confidence
150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

dontwaitconfidenceConfidence and capability.  Two big blocks holding people back from saving their marriage — unnecessarily!

People call or write me and tell me they are absolutely ready to do whatever it takes to save their marriage. . . IF I can tell them their marriage can be saved. . . BEFORE they take action.

They want confidence.  But that puts it in the wrong order.  Confidence does not come before action.  It comes as a result of having taken action.

Which leads to people asking, “how do I take action?”  That is all about having capabilities — abilities and knowledge, tools, skills.  THAT isn’t even the starting point.  In some ways, that is the easier part of the process. (If you want to gain the skills and knowledge, get the tools, and create capabilities, GRAB THIS SYSTEM.)

Don’t wait for confidence.  Listen to this week’s podcast for where you REALLY start.

Do You Choose Your Response?
150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

Have yHow do you choose the action?  Will you regret what you choose?ou ever been sucked into a situation or argument, then realized your actions were not what you wanted?

There is that split second, that pause, where you get to choose your response.

Many people miss that split second, telling themselves, “I had no choice.  I was just reacting.”

But deep down, we know that is not the case.  We have a choice on how to respond.  Miss that choice and regret the reaction.

How do you choose?

Let’s talk about that in this week’s podcast.  Listen below.

Escape The Perception/Connection Trap
150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

Escape the Perception/Connection Trap and restore the connection in your marriage.It is not about “communication,” no matter what you hear (from friends or a therapist).  Most people communicate just fine.  They have another issue:  perception.  How they perceive each other, that is the bigger issue.

And then the trap is laid.

Perception and connection.  They create a downward spiral (unless you escape it) that traps you into a fall into disconnection.

I call it the Perception/Connection Trap.  You have perceptions of each other (that are always at least partly fictional), and you have some level of connection.  When your perceptions of each other are poor (negative), your connection begins to falter.  When you are feeling disconnection, your perceptions grow more negative.  Which leads to further disconnection.  Which leads to further negative perceptions.

The spiral downward.

The bad news is this pattern traps many couples into a painful marriage crisis.

The good news is that you can escape the Perception/Connection Trap.  And the great news is that you can use the reverse of the cycle to re-grow the connection and the relationship.

Learn how in this week’s podcast trying (and if you find it helpful, please use the SHARE buttons below).

RELATED RESOURCES
Connection Tools & Resources
Happy Couples Do Differently:  Connection
7 Stages of Disconnection
5 Communication Errors You May Be Making
Why We Don’t Change (And How To)
Save The Marriage System

Don’t Wait For Confidence. . .
150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

Don't wait for confidence.  Take the first step and confidence will follow.Several times a week, I get an email or a phone call with the same question, “I want to save my marriage, but can I do it?  I don’t want to try unless I know I can.”

In other words, “I don’t have confidence, and until I do, I don’t want to take action.”

I consistently answer the same way:  “Confidence is the wrong place to start.  Confidence is not the starting point.

Fear grips everyone.  Here and there, we all find ourselves caught by fear, seemingly unable to move, feeling unable to act.

If you know that feeling, I want to let you in on a little secret:  confidence is NOT the starting point.  It is part of a cycle.  But waiting for confidence will be a long wait — it may never come.  Unless you decide to take action, follow the cycle, and get to the point of confidence.

So, what are the steps toward confidence?  Listen to learn the “confidence cycle,” and why NOT to wait for it to get started!

 

 

How You Hide and How To Show Up In Your Marriage: Save The Marriage Podcast
150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

How To Save Your Marriage By Showing UP and Not Hiding!Fear, resentment, habit.  All reasons why we hide.  And we hide more the more important the relationship.  The intimacy may scare us, the scars may hide us.

But if we want to heal a relationship, especially a marriage, we HAVE to show up!

In this week’s podcast, I examine the reasons we hide, and how to change this.

Discover the 6 Steps To Showing Up.

Follow the 4 P’s of Showing Up and you will find deeper connection than you believed possible.

Listen and then comment below.