Posts Tagged :

sex and marriage

5 Problems Plaguing Your Marriage
150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

There are 5 very typical, and destructive, problems in many marriages.5 Problems that plague your marriage (and lots of other marriages).

And yes, these are the problems that MANY people report.  Yes, they are painful and hurtful.

BUT, they are not really the problems.  They are the symptoms of the problem.

Let’s call these problems the 5 C’s of marital problems, and then lets discuss how you can USE the symptomatic problem to move toward healing the REAL problem.

If you don’t deal with the underlying issue, you will be playing a long game of “Whack-A-Mole,” with problems reemerging under a different guise, but still the same issue.

Ready to learn about the problems — and what the REAL problem is?  Listen below.

RELATED RESOURCES:
3 C’s To Saving A Marriage
The Foundations of Marriage
Healing Disconnection
Save The Marriage System

Why Is Sex Such An Issue In Marriage?: Ep. 19, Save The Marriage Podcast
150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

how to save your marriage and sexWhen people give their reasons for problems that lead to divorce, they list money, children, in-laws, religion and sex as the top 5.  Money is the only reason listed consistently above sex.

Why is sex such a huge issue for couples?  Is it really about sex, or is it something else?

We are surrounded by sexual images and messages about how we are “supposed to be” in regards to sex.  Stereotypes can overwhelm and poison us.  What can be a connector becomes a struggle.

In today’s podcast, we discuss why sex is such an issue in marriage — and more importantly, some ways of getting beyond the stuck point of sex in your marriage.

Take a listen and let me know what you think.  Leave a comment below (and please share the podcast).

What’s Normal In A Marriage?
150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

Recently, a survey on sexual behavior in marriage was completed.  The results of that study are going to be part of a new book released next month, The Normal Bar.  I have no doubt, given the press, content, and media of this book, it will be a best seller.

We will all rush out, read through, and immediately start judging, “am I normal?”  That is, isn’t it, the way we look at ourselves.  We want a yardstick.  We want a measurement of what is normal.

And that is the way we were raised.  How did you fair in the race?  Where you the fastest, slowest, or in between?  How were your grades?  Better than your friends, the same, or worse?

Later, how is your salary?  Retirement savings? Health statistics?  All based on an idea of a norm.

And many times, the norm can help us understand where we are.  If I should have X dollars saved for retirement, and my peers have done that, it is some incentive to get busy.

But there are other areas where “the norm” does little to move us.  Relationships tend to be one of those areas.  And I, for one, am looking forward to seeing what the authors of The Normal Bar have to say.

In my years of being a therapist, I have had people who are married and have not had sex for decades.  Others tell me they have sex every single day (more on weekends!).  In other words, there is a wide continuum of sex frequency, not to mention sex variety.

So, as we look to the book for some “normalizing” of intimacy, we may want to remind ourselves that “norm” is not the same as “expected” or “acceptable, ” or even “OK.”  It may, however, become the basis of a conversation about what two people want and need from the relationship.