tips and tricks to save marriage – Save The Marriage: Even if only YOU want to!

Beware of “Easy” Tips and Tricks

https://savethemarriage.com/stmblog/wp-content/themes/corpus/images/empty/thumbnail.jpg 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. https://secure.gravatar.com/avatar/669b7e375d93f77521ddaba08adb8063?s=96&d=blank&r=pg April 25, 2018 April 26, 2018

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

April 25, 2018

It’s a common question.

And a dangerous question.

“Give me an easy trick or tip that will save my marriage.” I heard it last week from a phone call.

Another one just wanted the “Cliff Notes” on saving their marriage. No need to go in-depth. Just an overview. And “easy” way to save their marriage.

First, let me be clear: I do believe that both people were quite sincere in their desires to save their marriage. I think they both wanted to turn things around, to “fix” things.

But… they wanted the “short cut.” No muss. No fuss. Just a quick way to turn it around.

Quick question: just before you go into surgery, do you want to think your doctor just looked up a quick “tip” on your surgery — maybe just read the overview from a journal or book — or, would you rather know that the doctor had put in the time and effort to learn about how to do the surgery?

I know my answer. I want him to KNOW what he is doing. Not have a quick overview.

If it is just a book for a test, Cliff Notes! I used them (I hate to admit). But for something important?

We need to go in-depth. Not to Ph.D. level (I did that so you don’t have to). Enough, though, to be really doing the work. Not just trying to get by and slide through the crisis.

The process of saving your marriage is actually pretty simple. Which should never be confused with easy. (I cover this in my book, How To Save Your Marriage In 3 Simple Steps.)

Don’t fall for the “easy tip/trick” or look for the easy answer. Make it real.

This is what I discuss in this week’s Save The Marriage Podcast. You can listen below.

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“Don’t Listen To This” – Reverse Psychology

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

May 11, 2016

Have you ever noticed how often we want an easy answer?

Sometimes, people ask for my help, and I start giving some guidelines, offering my System. It turns out they didn’t want that. They tell me, “No, can you just give me a couple of tips?”

I can give tips on how to boil an egg better, how to keep your charging cord from shredding, and even a tip on a simple exercise routine. But a “tip” or hint that will save a marriage? Not likely.

But if you look around, you will see plenty of these tips and hints. Simple things that promise to save your marriage. Tricks, really. Like, say, Reverse Psychology.

Sounds awesome. Just say the opposite of what you mean, and your spouse will suddenly change directions and decide to NOT divorce. Like magic. Or at least like a trick.

We love those tricks. Why? Because then, we don’t really have to change anything. We don’t have to look at the REAL issues. We don’t have to fix the underlying problems. Wed don’t have to really change. We just, well, “trick” someone.

Except for one thing: it doesn’t work.

Let me tell you why. Listen in on this week’s podcast.

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Why “I’ll Try Anything” Is NOT A Plan

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

March 9, 2016

Desperation. It is never a good guide. Desperation leads you down any and every approach. And in the process, you get nowhere.

I know, because I have seen it happen. Someone will say to me, “I’ll try anything to save my marriage.” And they try everything.

Book after book, resource after resource, and unfortunately, trick after trick. They leave themselves exhausted and their spouse confused.

Doing “anything” often ends up being “everything,” which ends up doing “nothing.”

What a difference, though, when someone finds an approach that agrees with their ethics and worldview, from someone who is qualified to help, that matches their situation, and passes the “smell and taste test,” as well as the “mirror test.”

The marriage has a chance. The relationship can get some traction.

We live in a world full of information. That information is not the same as knowledge, and often far from wisdom. It’s just information.

Learn why “doing anything” is dangerous, and the 5 steps to assessing everything you see. You CAN create a plan that works, with an approach that fits, when you know how to assess the information.

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