What’s The Problem?

150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

People often ask me: why do we have so many problems in marriage? From my perspective, it seems that a great deal of the problem comes from two directions.

1) We are raised to take care of ourselves. We are raised to be independent people, unaffected by those around us. Sometimes, the training doesn’t work, and we become people desperate for connection. We live at the extremes: independence or over-dependence. The best advice for marriages is interdependence. Relationships are helped when people are interdependent. In other words, both bring something to the table and add to the other, while still being distinct.

2) Culture plays against marriage. Listen to the songs, watch the TV and movies. We are surrounded by poor images of marriage. In fact, the dominant theme is having affairs and having casual sex. Neither are very healthy and helpful for marriage.

So, the roots are there, and then exacerbated by what we bring to the table. Marriage advice wants to make it some deep fault of each individual, but that is just the flavoring on the steak, not the meat of the issue.

More marriage saving information can be found in my ebook, available by CLICKING HERE.

Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

Dr. Baucom is internationally known for his methods and approaches to saving marriages. For over 25 years, Dr. Baucom has been helping people around the world to save, restore, and create the relationships they desire and deserve. He is the author of the book, How To Save Your Marriage In 3 Simple Steps, and creator of the Save The Marriage System, as well as numerous other resources.

All stories by: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
  • Brad Ison

    I have always thought that our society has painted marriage in either a negative or a ridiculous manner. Either it is Desperate Housewives, or some Disney movie where people who have known each other for a grand total of 47 minutes live “happily ever after,” comfortably out of sight.
    Marriage is a lot of work. I don’t know this from first hand, but I know my parents (who recently divorced) and they did try, but couldn’t (or wouldn’t) resolve their differences.
    Also, there is the cult of the individual. It is a modern concept, though most don’t realize this. It is the motto “looking out for number one” that so appeals to Americans. We have to remember that we are not the only ones involved with a marriage. There are two parties (or more, depending on your weird threshold) involved with a marriage, and mutual happiness is pretty much the only way to work it, especially here in the US where it seems that people will divorce at the drop of a hat.