Monthly Archives :

June 2014

7 Steps To A Marriage Saving Mindset: #45 Save Your Marriage Podcast
150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

Save your marriage by reaching for more.If you have decided to save your marriage, you have REACHED toward something many people don’t.

Saving your marriage can be a difficult process.  It will challenge you emotionally, physically, mentally, and spiritually.  And in the process, you can choose whether to fall victim to the process or be transformed by the process.

In this podcast, I invite you to be transformed.  In fact, I offer you 7 steps that will allow you to transform your mindset, your life, and quite possibly, your marriage.  If you follow these 7 steps, you will find a path of growth.  If you do not, you may find yourself caught in blame and misery.

Please take a listen and let me know what you think.  Would you add any other steps?  How have you already taken some of the steps?  What steps WILL you take?  Commit to the change and let us know in the comments area below.

3 Things You MUST Do After An Argument: #44 Save Your Marriage Podcast
150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

Arguments.  We all have them.  Few of us believe they are useful.  Most people find them hurtful and destructive.

Yet we still argue.

After a lifetime of arguments, do we really believe that this argument or the next one is going to work better?

And yet we still argue.

A number of years ago, I was speaking with a very conflicted couple.  They were once again arguing in my office.  I once again stopped them as they began to spiral down into yet another argument about yet the same issues they had covered over and over in the past (with no resolution).

I told them we HAD to get the arguing stopped.  I noted the arguments they were having were not solving anything, and weren’t even trying to solve anything.  They were just trying to score points against each other.  They looked at each other, looked at me blankly, and said, “If we don’t argue, what will we do?”

Habit.  Their arguing had become habit.  It was their default way of communicating.  They solved nothing, but they couldn’t figure out another way to communicate.

Been there?  Done that?  Argued and argued, even with that small voice telling you, “This is not going to go well.  This is not going to solve anything.”  Or perhaps you had another little belief, “This time, they will see that I am right.  This time, my spouse will see that my logic, my reasoning, is correct.”

My guess is the argument ended the same way:  both people hurt and neither person changing views.  In fact, generally, we dig in even deeper and hold even tighter to our beliefs (even if we might secretly doubt ourselves).  And you might even find yourself justifying that you’ve been done wrong (those thoughts may even be worthy of a country music song).

Why do we do it?  Why do we argue?  This week, in the Save Your Marriage Podcast, I cover some reasons why we argue, why they don’t work, and what to do about it.

The real focus, though, are the 3 things you MUST do after an argument.  Let me tell you now:  none of the 3 are about an apology.  That is too easy.  This is about getting below the argument and examining what is going on with YOU, and why YOU got caught up in the argument.

Only from there can anything change.

Let me know what you think in the comments are below!

Why Do Good People Have Bad Marriages?: #43 Save Your Marriage Podcast
150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

Why do good people have bad marriages and how to save it.In my years as a therapist, I met the nicest people. . . many suffering in painful relationships.

Sometimes, it can seem so confusing.  Why can two nice people struggle so much to have a good marriage?  How do two people that seemed so loving when they married, end up feeling frustrated and ready to walk away?

There are some reasons why this happens.  In fact, there is a common pattern, almost a cascade of events, that leads to a painful, conflicted, or disconnected relationship.

The nice thing is once you see the pattern, you can begin to break the pattern and rebuild the relationship.

Would you like to know about that pattern?

Please listen to the free podcast audio below and discover the reasons why good people can have a bad marriage — and how to keep that from happening.

Oh, and let me know what you think in the comments are below.

And if you are ready to get started rebuilding, please grab my Save The Marriage System HERE.