Connection and Disconnection: 5 Powerful Resources for Healing

150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

HealTheDIsconnectionSmallOver and over, I hear the same story:  pain and conflict, disconnection and anger, resentment and distance.

In my book, I note the 3 steps to saving a marriage:

  1. Connect with your spouse.
  2. Change yourself.
  3. Create a new path.

Connecting with your spouse is HUGE.  In fact, the leading issue with marriages is that disconnection.  Heal the disconnection, and the relationship can stabilize.  It does not do away with steps 2 and 3.  In fact, #2 needs to be concurrent to reconnecting.  But #3, “create a new path,” is much easier when the connection is healing.

So how DO you do that?

Let me point you to some resources that will help you begin the process.  Below are links to the resources, so that you can quickly access and heal your relationship.

5 Myths of Connection — CLICK HERE

This is a great starting point.  You can begin to understand the ways we have misunderstood connection, so that you can move in the RIGHT direction.

7 Stages of Disconnection — CLICK HERE

This will help you assess where your relationship is right now!  How deeply disconnected are you?  Once you know this, you can begin to create your plan to reconnect.

How to Heal Disconnection — CLICK HERE

This resource will help you start the process of reversing the disconnection and move toward reconnection.

Being Courageously Compassionate — CLICK HERE

When you are hurting, angry, and frustrated, it can be difficult to even work on the connection.  But YOU may be the only one ready to work on it.  Courageous Compassion can help you choose a better path.  This resource will help you move in that direction.


One other resource is about showing up.  When you don’t show up, you don’t connect.  And here is the great thing:  you can ALWAYS show up.  You can always decide you will show up in your relationship.  Find out how!


If you are ready to really step up and heal your disconnection, you may be ready for some more advanced training.  If you are, please email me and I will tell you how you can access that.  Email me here:  [email protected]


Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

Dr. Baucom is internationally known for his methods and approaches to saving marriages. For over 25 years, Dr. Baucom has been helping people around the world to save, restore, and create the relationships they desire and deserve. He is the author of the book, How To Save Your Marriage In 3 Simple Steps, and creator of the Save The Marriage System, as well as numerous other resources.

All stories by: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
  • disqus_wd5Zd4XnXK

    This is all very good information for those couples who want to be honest. Thanks to finding this website, I was able to identify my journey to discovering my husband is a sex addict. The problem, he doesn’t like labels and refuses to be assessed. We lived in an area where there were no professionals available. He waited for me to connect and believe his half truths and lies and leading me on the same journey of looking the other way so he could continue his alter life. My first question to Dr. Baucom was answered that he may be a sex addict. It took me 15 months to believe it after 39 years of marriage and multiple therapists telling me he may be one.
    His deflection and defense began slapping me which I felt that I instigated. When I found out this has been a pattern since our early marriage and was revealed by a long held secret my sister was holding onto, I left when I could take no more staggered disclosures or bombs dropping into our lifes that he still said was not true. His violence was escalating, my screaming for the truth was escalating and to no avail. I am now in two 12 step programs and seeing a therapist who is accredited to help me. I am finally finding peace away from my husband but still cannot find closure until there is disclosure. This is very sad that my husband is hiding his past hurts from childhood that has manifested into his alter ego. I should have known is my sorrow. I’ve been told I entered into a relationship with my own baggage being a Child of an Alcoholic parent way too young at 18 when I had no experience. My husband kept me distracted with gifts, threats, his working too much, me trying to be the perfect wife, my acting out in ways that I am just letting go of the shame falling off my moral compass.
    I hope he could or will read this as we have now been separated for 8 weeks while I wait for his written disclosure that I know is not coming. He is not ready or may never be willing to disclose because of his shame and unwillingness.
    I hope someone out there can use this to see the hurt, pain and anger that we as spouses go through and make that path to connection. Bless Dr. Baucom and his team. I recommend his podcasts and books to everyone I meet.

  • nebula

    Sending my love to you, disqus. May God bless you & may you find closure within yourself. ♥