Love Languages and Marriage: An Interview with Dr. Gary Chapman

150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

Maybe languages just aren’t my thing.

In high school, I took French.  I switched to Spanish in college.  But my grades weren’t where I thought they should be (foolish me!).  So, I tried out Latin.  THAT was a massive failure!  And since I needed to make it to a literature class before graduating, I went back to French. . . and stumbled through it.

Then, graduate school.  In my Master’s program, the Seminary required Hebrew and Greek.  Youch!  Even the letters were unrecognizable!  In fact I made a deal with my Hebrew teacher.  I promised that if he passed me, I would NEVER use Hebrew, or even admit he had been my professor.

Okay, I DID master a computer language in high school:  BASIC.  That was long before Al Gore (or anyone else) invented the internet.  But I did get that one down (and it is long gone from my brain!).

So, suffice it to say I am now illiterate in 5 languages!

But love languages.  That is a different thing!

Dr. Gary Chapman

Dr. Gary Chapman

There are very few books that I recommend without reservation or explanation.  One such book is The 5 Love Languages, by Dr. Gary Chapman.

Dr. Chapman’s idea is elegantly simple, easily grasped, and very implementable.  All elements of a useful resource!

Over and over, I have referred people to Gary’s best-selling book (over 11 million copies sold around the world).  And I even reference his material in my Save The Marriage System.

So, I decided it was time to sit down and chat with Gary.  I wanted HIM to explain his concepts to you.  And I wanted US to discuss how his ideas can radically transform (and even save) your relationship.

But more than that, I wanted to discuss how Dr. Chapman’s ideas apply to all relationships:  family, parenting, work, friends, and spouses.

What finally “lit the fire” for me was a conversation with my daughter.  I discovered that she had been taught about the 5 love languages at college.

What I discovered was a kind, warm, gentle, and insightful person in Dr. Chapman.

As you will hear, Dr. Chapman has a background in anthropology.  He also trained as a religious educator, and received his Ph.D..  Dr. Chapman discovered, in his early days of ministry, the deep need for healing in families.  So, Gary shifted his focus to counseling.

The 5 Love Languages CoverAnd it was “in the trenches” that Dr. Chapman realized how many people were feeling unloved by spouses desperately trying to show love.  Upon looking over his notes, he saw their were 5 categories, languages, of love — ways people understand, feel, and show love.  In our interview, Dr. Chapman covers each one.  But here is a list:

  1. Words of Affirmation
  2. Quality Time
  3. Receiving Gifts
  4. Acts of Service
  5. Physical Touch

(If you are trying to decide on your love language, you can take the quiz at )

Listen in as Dr. Chapman and I discuss these 5 love languages.

Toward the end of our conversation, Gary and I discuss a Marriage Experiment.  You will hear us discuss it at length, but I want to invite you to take on the experiment.

Gary and I have created a document that will walk you through the entire process.

Click Here
Grab The Marriage Experiment
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Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

Dr. Baucom is internationally known for his methods and approaches to saving marriages. For over 25 years, Dr. Baucom has been helping people around the world to save, restore, and create the relationships they desire and deserve. He is the author of the book, How To Save Your Marriage In 3 Simple Steps, and creator of the Save The Marriage System, as well as numerous other resources.

All stories by: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
  • David W. Carr

    Great interview Lee and Gary. Both of you are such great supporters of marriage. Thanks for all you do. God bless.

  • Amy

    We took the on line test and I was not surprised to find out my husbands love language is acts of service. I notice, however, when I try to do things for him he protests, even gets angry saying “I can take care of myself.

  • Hi Amy,
    When someone feels hurt or neglected, their “love language” may be a bit too close to home. Sometimes, they get protective of those actions, either showing love or accepting it.
    If he agrees that is his language, keep trying and let him know you are just trying to show him love. And remember, people can feel love in more than one way. Try other “languages.”