Monthly Archives :

February 2018

Return To Love: Debbie Rivera
150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

Last week, you got to hear from me a little about who I am and why I do what I do.  Over the next few weeks, I want to introduce you to my amazing team of coaches.  Not just introduce you, but let you listen to their wisdom that can help you in your efforts to save your marriage.

Coach Debbie Rivera

This week, I introduce you to Coach Debbie Rivera.  Debbie is a gem of a person and a diamond of a coach!  She brings skill and integrity into her coaching and her life.  Her calm and cool can guide you through a crisis. Her skills can equip you to take on your crisis effectively and efficiently.

As we talk, Debbie shares one of the most important shifts that must happen in the process of saving a marriage:  returning to love.

Listen as Debbie and I discuss the process of returning to love.

(And if you want to contact Debbie, CLICK TO EMAIL)

Don’t Blame Valentine!
150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

Don't blame it on Valentine. Why romance kills marriages.Let me just say, from the outset, I AM a fan of romance.

That said, I DON’T like when “romantic feelings” are used as the yardstick for a marriage.  If you are dating someone and have no romantic feelings, ever, that is a reason for concern.  If you have been married for awhile and are not feeling the romance… that is something to work on.  Not a reason to walk away.

Which brings us to the last couple of days. Today (the day this episode comes out) is Valentine’s Day.  According to tradition, it honors a priest, Valentine. During the reign of Emperor Claudius II in third century Rome, Valentine disobeyed the emperor.  Claudius had decided that young single men made good soldiers.  Not so good when attached to a love.  So, he forbade marriage.

But Valentine persisted in marrying young couples in love. And according to tradition, he paid the price of disobeying with his life.

There are other twists and turns to the history of Valentine’s day.  But the fact remains that the day is in honor of St. Valentine.

Which is the point I think we miss.  He stood for marriage.  Not just romance.  Marriage.  He didn’t condone love.  He supported marriage.  He married those in love.  It was not him trying to get people to fall in love.  He was marrying those in love.

Why does that matter?

Because of how we have elevated the feeling of being “in love.”  Otherwise known as infatuation.  An unsustainable rush of excitement and adrenaline that acts like obsession and addiction.  But has somehow become the yardstick of a successful marriage.

Is it great when those emotions resurface throughout a marriage?  Absolutely.

But when they become the yardstick… trouble.

Listen to the podcast for more.

RELATED RESOURCES:
Kill Cupid
Connection
Adrenaline vs. Endorphin Attraction
Save The Marriage System

5 Reasons Your Marriage Isn’t Turning Around
150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

I often 5 reasons why your marriage has not turned around and is still in crisis.get emails and phone calls asking, “Why isn’t my marriage turning around?  Why aren’t things improving?”

My first assessment is to see how long they have been trying. (I heard from a guy that told me he had spent the afternoon on the marriage, and it was no different!)  Sometimes, the timeframe is too short.  But sometimes, the efforts have gone along for awhile.

Next, I ask how long the crisis has been going on.  Generally, it has been going on longer than the person thinks.  They just didn’t know it was in trouble.

After that, the primary reasons why a marriage hasn’t turned (yet) fit within 5 categories.

Your strategy changes, depending upon which category your marriage (or more accurately, your spouse’s response) fits into.

If you can identify the category, you can choose your response for that particular category.

Let’s go through the categories in this episode of the podcast and see if we can plot a course that turns things around.

RELATED RESOURCES:
Resentment in Marriage
Having A Plan
Stalled Out?
Yet
Save The Marriage System