NMF: “Not MY Fault!”

• April 7, 2021
• Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
• no comments

The email was pages long, all about the problems in her marriage.  Each line was about how her husband had ruined the marriage.  She pointed out actions of her husband, and he did make mistakes (no abuse, mind you).

She wanted to know what to do — how to save her marriage — given the fact that it wasn’t her fault.  She was clear that she wanted the marriage, but she just didn’t know what to do, after all he had done to damage the relationship.

NMF

She was skidding down the fastest path to failing in her efforts.  And she didn’t see how she had anything to do with it.

NMF

When we talked on the phone, I asked a little bit more about the dynamics of the relationship.  But I noticed she kept shifting back to “he did…,” “he didn’t….” She could point out his failures and shortcomings.

And then she would return to her question:  Given his actions, how could she save her marriage?

NMF

I had no doubt that she really wanted to save her marriage.  And I had little doubt that she would be unsuccessful.

Because she had fallen in the NMF trap.  Figured it out yet?  The NMF trap is “Not My Fault.”

Here is the problem with “Not My Fault”:  It leaves you stuck.  It does relieve you of blame or fault.  But it also tends to rob people of responsibility (Response-Ability).

Let’s talk about why this trap happens and how to avoid it.  Listen below.

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