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Can I Save My Marriage On My Own

“I Won’t If My Spouse Won’t” — And You Are Stuck
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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"I won't if my spouse won't" and other ways to be stuck.A few days ago, that was what he said on the phone, “I won’t work on my marriage if my spouse won’t.” Now note:  he had contacted me — I help people save their marriage.

“Huh?” I uttered.

“Look,” he said, “if you think I am going to start working on my marriage by myself, that ain’t gonna happen.  Why don’t you convince my spouse to work on the marriage?”

“First,” I replied, “I am not in the market of trying to get someone to do something, neither you nor your wife.  Second, if you are always waiting for your spouse to do something before you do, you are probably very stuck.  Could I suggest something?”

“Probably not, but go ahead and try,” he said.

“Okay,” I pushed on, “what if you were to start working on things?  What if you were to just start moving in the direction of your marriage, seeing if you could improve the connection?  Is it possible that you could START the process, and your spouse could JOIN the process?”

“Maybe….”

Good enough for me.

You see, this is one of those stuck points of marriage.  If one spouse is refusing to do something until the other does something — and the spouse is doing the same thing — the marriage is frozen in place.  Stuck.

Someone has to shift.  Someone has to blink.  Someone has to be willing to change something in order for something to change.

Let’s talk about this stuck point — and how to get beyond it — in this week’s podcast (below).

(I mention a resource in the podcast.  FIND IT RIGHT HERE.)

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Time To “Go Pro”. . .
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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Get focused and go pro.No.  I don’t mean you need to call in the professionals.

Have you ever noticed the difference between an amateur/hobbyist and a pro?  An amateur does something when they feel inspired.  Pros do it because its what needs to be done.

I was chatting with someone who is “writing” a book.  The person wants a better view, better resources, more research, and “inspiration.”  That book will never get written.

My friends who are multiple book authors go about it differently.  They do the writing, day in and day out, not waiting for inspiration.  They manufacture the inspiration.  They do what needs to be done — daily.

Or let’s say you think you should probably do something.  Days pass.  It remains undone.  But if it were your job and your boss said, “do it by 3,” I bet it would get done.  Because that’s part of being pro.

Are you taking on saving your marriage like a pro or an amateur?  Do you keep doing what needs to be done?  Or do you wait to be inspired?

Guess which way works.

Listen for more in today’s podcast.

Then, let’s get you the training so you are ready to Go Pro.  CLICK HERE.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

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