Can Marriage Be Saved – Save The Marriage: Even if only YOU want to!

Marriage Lie #1: “If It’s Work, It’s Wrong”

https://savethemarriage.com/stmblog/wp-content/themes/corpus/images/empty/thumbnail.jpg 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. https://secure.gravatar.com/avatar/669b7e375d93f77521ddaba08adb8063?s=96&d=blank&r=pg October 28, 2020 October 27, 2020

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

October 28, 2020

“I give up,” he said, throwing up his arms. He was ready to leave the session. But before he walked out, I asked, “Can you tell me what just happened? Why are you giving up?”

He told me, “Look, we have struggled during this marriage. Not just now. Other times. I just believe that if you are struggling in a marriage… if things aren’t just moving forward… it isn’t meant to be. It’s wrong.” And he turned to leave.

I responded, “Well, that’s a big fat lie you are believing!”

He stopped, looked back at me, and said, “You have 10 minutes to prove me wrong.”

This wasn’t the only time I have encountered this lie. And let me be fair: he wasn’t meaning to lie to me. But he was. In reality, though, he was repeating a lie he believed. There is nothing so dangerous as a lie that we believe, but is entirely false!

My client was ready to leave his marriage because he believed the lie.

In this episode of the Save The Marriage Podcast, I start a series on the Lies of Marriage. These lies are things people believe (and act on, because they believe them) that are false, untrue… a lie. But when they take on a life of their own, they unnecessarily destroy marriages.

In this first episode, I tackle the lie, “If you have to work on it, the marriage is wrong.”

Listen below.

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How Steep is the Climb?

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

August 19, 2020

“How hard is it to save my marriage?” the email started. The writer wanted my opinion on whether my System would work. There was a problem, though. The problem was… I had no details about her marital problems. I didn’t know what she was facing.

When I was a kid, the rubik’s cube came out. There was this book that promised to solve the cube, no matter how bad the cube was arranged. I just kept trying to turn and twist the cube to find a solution. My neighbor friend got the book. My neighbor followed the guide. And that cube was, sure enough, solved. Mixed up cube, follow the solution, solved cube. Easy-peesy.

Let’s just say that your marriage is NOT like that rubik’s cube. There are some reasons why your efforts might be harder (or easier) than someone else’s. In fact, there are 3 major complicators to saving your marriage.

Before jumping in to save your marriage, you want to be clear about the complicators — the obstacles — on your path. They make a difference in what you do, how you do it, and how much effort is required.

Listen below to find out how steep your climb is, due to the 3 obstacles.

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Why People Get Derailed

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

March 6, 2019

When a marriage crisis hits, people kick into gear! They dig in and work on their relationship. Many times, they start to see results. Things are turning for the better. The relationship is warming. Things aren’t quite so hostile.

But then….

They get derailed. Thrown off-course. Lost in the crisis.

Not surprisingly, any gains made are quickly lost. Things become even more tense and fractured.

Why did they get derailed? Four reasons: Distracted, Distanced, Doubtful, and Discouraged.

I go into each of these… as well as how to avoid falling into the trap and getting derailed… in this week’s Save The Marriage Podcast. You can listen below.

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The Fatal Triangle (Don’t Be Sabotaged)

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

December 5, 2018

You want to save your marriage. Maybe you even have a plan put together, ready to go. Or maybe you have even started the process.

This episode of the podcast is cautionary. A warning. But the warning is not about NOT saving your marriage, but the possibility of your efforts falling apart.

It may have nothing to do with your plan.

Nothing to do with your understanding.

Worse yet, nothing to do with your spouse.

It is possible that a trio of dynamics can torpedo and destroy your plans and your efforts. Those dynamics can be fatal to your hopes and dreams. To your possibility of saving your marriage.

And this trio, this “fatal triangle”? They have nothing to do with your spouse or your plans. They emerge from within you. Tripping you up.

Unless you understand them and know how to defeat them.

Don’t let this trio, the Fatal Triangle, defeat you and your efforts!

Listen to the episode for full details

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“Can My Marriage Heal?”

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

August 9, 2017

“I want to save my marriage,” she told me, “but can it actually be worth it? If I do the work, and we don’t get divorced, will our marriage ever be good?”

I’ve had this same question many times in my career. I replied with my same response, “I am not here to simply stop a divorce. It isn’t worth it to save a marriage, only for it to be a miserable relationship. Yes, your marriage can heal. Yes, you can have a marriage you can treasure — both of you can treasure. But only after you heal.”

Marriages are not like machines — once a part is broken, it’s done. Marriages are more organic. More like a human body. If your body is injured by something, it will heal. Sure, there may be a scar. But sometimes, scars are stronger than what was there before.

Not overnight, but your marriage CAN heal, and CAN be a relationship you both will treasure. It can be warm, loving, respectful, and strong. It just takes some time and healing.

Learn more on this week’s podcast below.

Ready to start the healing? GET MY SAVE THE MARRIAGE SYSTEM HERE.

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