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emotional disconnection

Connection and Disconnection: Powerful Resources for Healing
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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HealTheDIsconnectionSmallOver and over, I hear the same story:  pain and conflict, disconnection and anger, resentment and distance.

In my book, I note the 3 steps to saving a marriage:

  1. Connect with your spouse.
  2. Change yourself.
  3. Create a new path.

Connecting with your spouse is HUGE.  In fact, the leading issue with marriages is that disconnection.  Heal the disconnection, and the relationship can stabilize.  It does not do away with steps 2 and 3.  In fact, #2 needs to be concurrent to reconnecting.  But #3, “create a new path,” is much easier when the connection is healing.

So how DO you do that?

Let me point you to some resources that will help you begin the process.  Below are links to the resources, so that you can quickly access and heal your relationship.

The Connection-Starved Marriage — CLICK HERE

This is it.  The reason marriages get into trouble.  They are literally starved for connection.  Which leads to hurt, further disconnection, and eventual disdain.  Hear why in the Connection-Starved Marriage training.

5 Myths of Connection — CLICK HERE

This is a great starting point.  You can begin to understand the ways we have misunderstood connection, so that you can move in the RIGHT direction.

7 Stages of Disconnection — CLICK HERE

This will help you assess where your relationship is right now!  How deeply disconnected are you?  Once you know this, you can begin to create your plan to reconnect.

How to Heal Disconnection — CLICK HERE

This resource will help you start the process of reversing the disconnection and move toward reconnection.

Why Healing Is Easier To Heal Than You Think — CLICK HERE

We are wired for connection.  Which is why it is easier to heal than you think… when you know this little secret.  I cover it in this training.

Being Courageously Compassionate — CLICK HERE

When you are hurting, angry, and frustrated, it can be difficult to even work on the connection.  But YOU may be the only one ready to work on it.  Courageous Compassion can help you choose a better path.  This resource will help you move in that direction.

Show UP! — CLICK HERE

One other resource is about showing up.  When you don’t show up, you don’t connect.  And here is the great thing:  you can ALWAYS show up.  You can always decide you will show up in your relationship.  Find out how!

Learn What Happy Couples Do Differently — CLICK HERE

These trainings will help you discover what happy couples do differently… and how you can follow their trail.  Build happiness and heal disconnection with these trainings.

 

If you are ready to really step up and heal your disconnection, It is time to grab the Save The Marriage System HERE

And if you need coaching, LEARN MORE HERE 

 

5 Myths of Connection: #60 Save Your Marriage Podcast
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
By:

5 myths of connection.“What happened?,” Julie asked me.  “We were so in love!  We got married, and everything was perfect.  I just thought it would be easy from there!”

Then, Julie began to tell me a story about growing careers, a big social life, passionate pursuit of hobbies, and then children.  Three.  All within 5 years.

One day, when the youngest had just started school, Julie’s husband dressed for work, dimpled his tie, turned toward Julie and said, “I’m not happy, you are not happy.  This is not working.”  Then, he left.

Julie was shocked that he was so matter-of-fact.  Could he really drop that emotional grenade and head to work, acting as if nothing happened?  Julie reeled through the day, lost in her painful thoughts.  Hadn’t they been in love at one point?  Wasn’t this supposed to be “happily ever after?”

Then, Julie saw flashes.  Times when each chose something else — a hobby, an activity, friends, work, children, even the iPhone, over spending time with each other.  Julie realized they had stopped kissing goodnight, stopped holding hands at church, and stopped telling each other about their days.

Oh, Julie had known this.  But she kept telling herself, “When the kids are older. . . ,” “When he gets that promotion. . . ,” “When the triathlon is over. . . ,” “When summer/fall/winter/spring comes. . . .”  She just knew they could reconnect then.

But after each new stage of life, they just continued on the well-worn path of disconnection.

Julie and her husband had drained their battery of connection.  Sure, it was well-charged when they married.  But they kept draining it over the years, neither noticing the battery was nearing being drained.  Then one day, Julie’s husband spoke a truth they both knew:  they were disconnected.  In fact, they were so disconnected that he could say the words and go to work.  He might have know Julie would be caught off-guard.  But he was disconnected enough that he didn’t care.

Connection is like your cellphone battery.  It may carry you through a day or so.  But the more you drain the batter, the longer it will take to recharge.  Keep draining it, and at some point, it will simply shut down.

Let’s look at the 5 myths of connection in this week’s podcast.  See if you are falling into the myths — and headed for trouble.

If you are already there, please grab my Save The Marriage System RIGHT HERE.

If you want even more advanced training, drop me a note:  [email protected]

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How To Heal Disconnection PODCAST: Save The Marriage Episode 4
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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The latest Save The Marriage Podcast is here and available!

In this episode, we discuss emotional disconnection and how to heal it.

I provide 4 foundational steps in how to heal the disconnection and rebuild the connection, along with concrete steps on exactly what to do.

Let me know what you think in the comments below!

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