Posts Tagged :

How To Save A Marriage Alone

3 Barriers and Beyond
150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

how to get beyond the barriers that are keepiing your spouse stuck and unable to see a way to save your marriageFor some reason, your spouse just can’t see a way forward.  You want things to be better… you want to save your marriage.  But your spouse can’t (or won’t) see a possibility.

Why?

There are actually 3 real barriers your spouse might be experiencing.  They just can’t see a way around any or all of the barriers.

Those 3 barriers are Hurting, Hopeless, and Helpless.  Emotional struggles are painful — for all involved!  And many times, it just doesn’t seem like there is a way to get help… and that can make you feel helpless.  Add those together, and it can seem pretty helpless.

But is it?

Not if you can find a way beyond the 3 barriers.

In my VIP Program, I provide a weekly training, along with tools and coaching, to help people who are ready to make a real shift in their relationship.  My System is kind of like the white belt training — knowing what you need to know to deal with a basic situation.  VIP is the blue belt, designed for those wanting more effectiveness and efficiency in their efforts.

During one of those trainings awhile back, I addressed those 3 barriers.  The training caused such a stir that I wrote a book about it.  But those 3 barriers are so important that you need to know about them, too.  So, I am doing something I don’t do:  I’m giving you access to this VIP training.  It IS a bit longer than my typical podcast, as we go deep (and the book goes deeper).

Listen in to learn the 3 barriers, and how to begin to get beyond them.

RELATED RESOURCES
Beyond the 3 Barriers Book
The Save The Marriage System
Click to Contact me if you have the System and want to join VIP

“I Want to Save My Marriage” Q & A
150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

Questions about how to save your marriage, even if only you want to.  How to start, where to focus, what to do.In previous podcast episodes, I have answered questions submitted by listeners.  In fact, I still do.  You can email your questions by clicking here.  But since this podcast goes to listeners around the world, submitted questions need to be a) applicable to others, and b) not so broad that it is impossible to answer in a simple episode.

But then, there are the short questions.  Both in the question and the needed response. So, in this episode, I round up the short questions, so I can address them all.

All of them, though, started with this:
“I want to save my marriage!”

Most of the questions demonstrated the beginning point of learning… not even knowing the question to ask, but knowing what you want.  The senders knew they wanted to save their marriage, but weren’t sure even where to start and what to ask.

But here is the important thing:  the questions still apply to you, whether you are at the same point or further along.  Listen in to hear my response to questions like where to start, what about some tricks/hints, what to do if a spouse isn’t interested, what a plan might look like, how long this process might help, and what to do now.

Listen below.

RELATED RESOURCES
Can A Marriage Be Saved?
Why You Need a Plan
Why Your Spouse is Resisting
How Long Does a Crisis Last?
Why Fear is a Problem
Grab the Save The Marriage System HERE

Staying in the Game
150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

How to Stay In the Game.You might feel like “tapping out,” or forfeiting, just giving up and walking away.

It can be frustrating when you are trying to save a marriage, only to get pushback from a spouse.  You are working to build the connection, working to improve yourself, and working to make a different relationship.  But it feels like two steps forward, three steps back.

How do you “stay in the game?”

Partly, it is mental.  But there are also some things you can do to help you shift perspective, keep your patience, and keep on moving forward.  Let me share some strategies on how to “Stay in the Game” in this week’s podcast.

Listen below.

RELATED RESOURCES
“This Will Never Work” – What To Do
What’s Your Plan?
DWYADAGWYAG
There IS No “Try”
Book – Marriage Failpoint:  Why Marriages Fail
Save The Marriage System

Hope vs. Hopelessness
150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

A hopeless spouse can’t see a way forward, a way to save the marriage. But what IS hope? How can you hold onto hope, in the face of a struggling spouse? We discuss it in this episode of the Save The Marriage Podcast.Miranda asked me, “What do I do?  My spouse is hopeless that we can save our marriage. I’m losing hope, too.”

A couple of weeks ago, I did a training for members of my VIP Program, noting three barriers in the way of a spouse working on the marriage… along with how to respond.  One of those barriers is hopelessness.

But if a spouse is hopeless… how can you hold onto hope?

There is an equation of hope:  hope = goal + pathways to goal + action to get there.

If you noticed from the equation, a spouse (you) can choose hope, even when a spouse is hopeless.  Especially if you recognize that the hopeless spouse cannot see that goal… cannot see a way forward (a path)… and therefore, can’t see a way to take action.

There are traps at each of those three elements of hope… and if one is not present, it isn’t really hope.  So, let’s talk about how to grab each element, keep it in place, and keep moving forward.

Listen to the episode below.

RELATED RESOURCES
NEW— Book, Beyond the 3 Barriers — Covers hopelessness!

Save The Marriage System
VIP Virtual Coaching
Coaching Services
Moving Forward… One Way or the Other
Stuck in the Negative
The Fatal Triangle

Dealing with Indifference…
150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

How to deal with a spouse's indifference and disinterest.For awhile, I have been answering listener-submitted questions, and continue to do so in this episode (if YOU want to ask a question, send it to [email protected]).

This week, I respond to a couple of questions about a spouse’s indifference and/or resistance to attempts at connection.

It can be frustrating when you so desperately want to rebuild a marriage.  Maybe your spouse claims to want the same.  Maybe your spouse just doesn’t respond much at all.  A little conversation… that goes nowhere.  Or attempts at conversation… that go nowhere.  It can feel frustrating and defeating.

How should you understand the situation?

What can you do about it?

Can you make progress?

We discuss these questions (and more) in this episode of the Save The Marriage Podcast.  Listen below.

RELATED RESOURCES
3 Step Process
3 C’s of Doing It
Importance of Connection
When Spouse Can’t See A Way
Resentment and Anger
Save The Marriage System

Time To “Go Pro”. . .
150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

Get focused and go pro.No.  I don’t mean you need to call in the professionals.

Have you ever noticed the difference between an amateur/hobbyist and a pro?  An amateur does something when they feel inspired.  Pros do it because its what needs to be done.

I was chatting with someone who is “writing” a book.  The person wants a better view, better resources, more research, and “inspiration.”  That book will never get written.

My friends who are multiple book authors go about it differently.  They do the writing, day in and day out, not waiting for inspiration.  They manufacture the inspiration.  They do what needs to be done — daily.

Or let’s say you think you should probably do something.  Days pass.  It remains undone.  But if it were your job and your boss said, “do it by 3,” I bet it would get done.  Because that’s part of being pro.

Are you taking on saving your marriage like a pro or an amateur?  Do you keep doing what needs to be done?  Or do you wait to be inspired?

Guess which way works.

Listen for more in today’s podcast.

Then, let’s get you the training so you are ready to Go Pro.  CLICK HERE.