Posts Tagged :

resistant spouse

Why “Limbo” is a Lie
150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

Are you feeling like you are stuck in limbo?Do you feel like you are stuck in limbo?  That crazy spot where you can’t move forward, but aren’t ending things?  Is it a spouse who has you stuck there?

Well, that was the situation for “J.”  He wrote me because his spouse could not decide on whether to stay or go, work on things or walk away.

He told me he was stuck in Limbo, didn’t know what to do, and didn’t know how to get his spouse to work on the relationship.

What should he do??

I respond to J’s question in this episode of the Save The Marriage Podcast.  And it may just be where you find yourself, too.  Not able to move forward, but not ready to walk away.

How do you deal with “Limbo”?  We discuss it.  Listen below.

RELATED RESOURCES:
3 C’s of Saving Your Marriage
3 A’s in Your Control
3 Levels of Connection
Save The Marriage System

Have You Been “Friend Zoned”?
150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

Did you get Friend Zoned in your marriage? Are you only roommates now? What does that mean?I often get a message that goes something like this, “We have been making progress on our marriage.  I’ve been working hard to reconnect, and think I have done a good job.  But lately, we don’t seem to be making any more progress.  Did my spouse Friend Zone me??”

Since I have heard this from coaching clients and total strangers, people in my program and listeners of my podcast, I thought I needed to address it.

First, let me just say, there is a “Zone” of disconnection and recovery that can feel like a stagnant friend zone.  But is that really what it is?

In this episode of the Save The Marriage Podcast, I discuss what people mean when they say “Friend Zoned” or “Roommates Only,” and why it happens.  I also discuss what a healthy marriage looks like.  We dive into the process of connection (along with disconnection and reconnection).  And I talk about why you always pass through this zone… in both directions. Then, we discuss why some people get stuck here.  And we look at how to make sure you don’t get stuck.

Listen below.

RELATED RESOURCES:
Book:  How to Save Your Marriage in 3 Simple Steps
Program:  Save The Marriage System
Coaching:  VIP Program
Training:  Why Connection is so Important
Training:  How to Resolve the Disconnection

The Spouse Predicament
150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

What do you do when a spouse is resistant to working on and saving your marriage?  Can you just keep dealing with them?  Can you just give them information?  The spouse predicament.It’s a predicament, isn’t it?  It would be so much easier to save your marriage… if it weren’t for that pesky spouse.  (I jest, but you might actually feel this way.)

You make an effort, your spouse resists.  You take a step forward, your spouse takes a step backward… and tries to drag you back, too!

What DO you do?  When your spouse is so convinced that nothing can change.

Or maybe when your spouse starts to see some possibility… and you don’t know what to do, what to share, how to help.

Quite the predicament, isn’t it?

It certainly is for Lauren and Kristine.  They both emailed me questions for the podcast.  Seemingly from different places in the process.  But both were stuck on the Spouse Predicament.

Lauren has a spouse who cannot see a way forward, and resists every effort.  Is he being selfish? Should Lauren feel shame that she keeps trying… in spite of his resistance?

And Kristine is still stuck in the predicament.  But her spouse is seeing a possibility, a glimmer of hope.  How does Kristine avoid putting out the spark?  How much info to share?

The Spouse Predicament.  More closely aligned than it might seem.

We work to resolve the predicament on the podcast.  Listen below.

RELATED RESOURCES:
The Husband Bootcamp
Beyond the 3 Barriers Book
The Hope Formula
Hope and Marriage
The Save The Marriage System

7 Strategies When You Hear “This Will Never Work and I Don’t Love You”: #47 Save Your Marriage Podcast
150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

Emotions are not reality when saving your marriage.A kick in the gut.  Your spouse tells you “I don’t love you.”  Or as you are trying to save your relationship, your spouse says, “This will never work.”  It can take you to your knees.

You might want to give up.  You might believe your spouse is telling you the truth.

In actuality,  your spouse is really telling you about his or her emotional state.  And an emotional state is not the same as reality.  Emotions change.

But you do NOT want to make it worse.  You don’t want to respond in certain ways that will only cause your partner to more deeply believe the story he/she is telling to you (and to him/herself).

In this week’s podcast, I explain the truth behind these definitive and painful statements, plus 7 tips and strategies to make sure things don’t get worse (and in fact, get better!).

Let me know your thoughts and experiences in the comments area below!