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Save The Marriage Lee Baucom

5 Reasons Your Marriage Isn’t Turning Around
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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I often 5 reasons why your marriage has not turned around and is still in crisis.get emails and phone calls asking, “Why isn’t my marriage turning around?  Why aren’t things improving?”

My first assessment is to see how long they have been trying. (I heard from a guy that told me he had spent the afternoon on the marriage, and it was no different!)  Sometimes, the timeframe is too short.  But sometimes, the efforts have gone along for awhile.

Next, I ask how long the crisis has been going on.  Generally, it has been going on longer than the person thinks.  They just didn’t know it was in trouble.

After that, the primary reasons why a marriage hasn’t turned (yet) fit within 5 categories.

Your strategy changes, depending upon which category your marriage (or more accurately, your spouse’s response) fits into.

If you can identify the category, you can choose your response for that particular category.

Let’s go through the categories in this episode of the podcast and see if we can plot a course that turns things around.

RELATED RESOURCES:
Resentment in Marriage
Having A Plan
Stalled Out?
Yet
Save The Marriage System

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Desire Versus Decide
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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Saving your marriage? Don't focus on desire. Decide.“I just don’t feel it,” two people told me this week.  One didn’t feel like following the plan to save their marriage.  The other didn’t feel it for the spouse.  One wanted to save the marriage.  The other didn’t.  Both were motivated by desire (or lack of desire).

Here’s the problem:  desire is fickle.  To say the least.  Even in a strong marriage, desire for each other can ebb and flow.  And even the best of us struggle with the desire to do things:  exercise, eat well, clean the house, go to work, etc., etc., etc.

Which is the problem with letting “desire” be the measurement of taking action.

Is there another way?

Glad you asked!  Yes there is.

It’s a word I particularly like.  Decide.

“Desire” is based in an emotional state.  “Decide” is a rational choice.  It supercedes an emotional state. And it generally is the only reliable way we make progress in any area of life.  If I wait for desire, the chances over time of desire showing up — they just keep going down.  If I decide to act, I take back full responsibility for my actions.

Has desire been your motivation and measurement (or lack of motivation and measurement)?  If so, let’s discuss the alternative.

RELATED RESOURCE
Go Pro
Have A Plan
Why It Matters
System To Follow

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One Question That Can Destroy Any Marriage
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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There is one question that can ruin any marriage. . . .There are some questions that can help a marriage.  There are many thoughts that can improve your relationship.

But there is one question that will suck the life right out of a marriage.  And it is a question you don’t even need to ask another person, in order to do the damage.

In fact, another person won’t make a difference for this question.  It is a question lurking within you.

Oh, and did I mention that another question, similar to this question — but very different in direction — can help restore a relationship?

Change the question, change the frame.  Get stuck on the question, get stuck in a downward spiral.  It’s up to you. . . once you know the question.

Which one are you asking?

(Need some help with your marriage?  Grab my Save The Marriage System RIGHT HERE.)

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How Limiting Beliefs Limit Your Marriage
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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Are limiting beliefs limiting your marriage? Yep. Listen to the podcast to learn more.It almost seems redundant, doesn’t it?  If you have limited beliefs, they could limit something — say, for example, your marriage.

I say IF you have limited beliefs.

Full disclosure:  We ALL have limited beliefs that are limiting us.  We ALL have blind spots, assumptions, even untrue beliefs.  We just don’t notice them.  And we pay a price for that.

Especially since we usually fail to notice or address these limiting beliefs.

Do you think your limiting beliefs MIGHT be limiting your life and your marriage?

I’m betting that is the case, since it is true for all of us.

Here’s the good news:  you can change your limiting beliefs.  Once you know what they are.  And decide to change them

Listen below for this week’s podcast.

(Here is the resource that has a whole section on changing limiting beliefs — I wrote it.  FIND IT RIGHT HERE.)

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