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Saving A Marriage After Hurt

“Why Does It Hurt So Much?”
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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Why does it hurt so much when your marriage is in crisis?I recently took a phone call. The caller told me that the pain of her marital problems was horrible. She told me it was physically painful.  She was truly hurting.

But she wasn’t sure why it was hurting so much.

Let’s be clear:  a marital crisis is incredibly stressful, scary, and painful.  It feels like everything you know is up in the air.  Your life can feel like a train wreck.

During our discussion, I explained to the caller why it was so painful.

But I also explained the real danger of the pain:  it can keep you from taking action.  Kinda like touching a hot stove.  You don’t want to do THAT again!  Except that avoiding only makes things worse.

So, I also shared my thoughts on the need to switch from “Why” (“Why does it hurt?”) to “What” (“What do I do now?”)

I share my thoughts on why it hurts and what to do on this week’s podcast.  Listen below.

RELATED RESOURCES:
The Cause of the Crisis
What NOT To Do
Showing Up
Having A Plan
Following A System

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

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Rejection or Protection? Perception. . .
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
By:

You are working on your marriage.  You reach out toward your spouse. . . only to feel rejected.

After that stops you in your tracks.  You start doubting yourself, your efforts, your plan. . . .

STOP.

What if your spouse was not really intending to reject you?

What if something else was going on?

What if I told you that almost always (I would say “always,” but then someone would work hard to prove me wrong), it is not really an attempt to reject.

It is really an attempt to protect.

Not “protect you.”  But “protect themselves.”

What?  You say, “They don’t need to protect themselves!”

But that doesn’t mean they don’t feel the need to protect themselves.

Perceptions.

They really get us in trouble.  You feel it as rejection.  It was meant for protection.  The problem is, your perception could throw you off, cause you to pull up, abandon your plan, and wallow in pain.

Or you could understand it from your spouse’s perception. . . .

Listen to the podcast below.

RELATED RESOURCES
Why Connection Matters
Connection and Perception
Dealing With Pushback
System to Save Your Marriage

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: RSS