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what happened to our marriage

Where Did The Love Go?
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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I get that question very frequently:  “What happened?  Where did the love go?”

Maybe you feel it, maybe you hear it.  The end result is the same:  one or both people  just not feeling it… not feeling love.  Maybe “I love you, but I’m not IN love with you.” Or maybe, “I care about you, but I don’t love you.”  Or maybe more simply, “I don’t love you.”

Then what?

And where did the love go?  It was there before.  Did it really go away?

In this episode of the Save The Marriage Podcast, I discuss the causes of love gone missing.  We look at where the love went, and talk about how to bring it back.

Listen below.

RELATED RESOURCES
Connection and Marriage
Conflict and Marriage
Pause Button Marriage
Interview with Gary Chapman
Self-Expansion and Marriage
Save The Marriage System

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Immutable Law: There Is No Pause
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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Immutable Law of Marriage: There is no Pause.Every day, I hear the story:  “I thought we were just ‘on pause.’  After ______, we would get back to the relationship.”  That ______ can be:  friends, hobbies, education, job, sports, interests, and often — KIDS.

That time comes (if you even get that far), only to discover that the marriage was not on pause.  It was dying.

Sometimes, people find this out when there is no pulse, the relationship strangled of life.

What happened?

The Immutable Law Of Marriage is, “there is no pause in marriage.”

Connection is the life-blood of a marriage.  When you think you hit “pause,” you actually began strangling off the connection.  Once connection begins to fail, the marriage begins to suffocate.

Let’s talk about why you can’t hit “Pause,” and what to do if you already thought you hit “Pause.”

Immutable Laws Of Marriage Series
#1 Marriage Is About Becoming A WE
#2 Marriage Is NOT A Vehicle for Happiness (Or Misery)
#3 We ALL Have Fears

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“The Last Straw”
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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StrawBrokeCamelBackA fight.  An affair.  An indiscretion.  An argument.  Some event.

Suddenly, someone announces “this is over.”

You may point to that event, the moment when things seemed to turn upside down.

But that event was just that:  an event.  It was a “tipping point.”  Almost always, there was a long, slow climb to the top before you “tipped over” the summit.  The straw was being piled on, before that “last straw” broke the camel’s back.

Unfortunately, people tend to get focused on that single event, pointing to the symptom.  Not the problem.

And that makes efforts ineffective.  You are aiming at the wrong target.  Deal with the problem — not the symptom — if you want to make progress.

Listen in for how.

RELATED RESOURCES:
You Need A Plan
Show Up
“Why Are We Fighting?”
We ALL Have Issues
Save The Marriage System

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Save The Marriage Video: I Thought Everything Was OK! What Happened?
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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A marriage crisis can rear-end you!  You feel like you didn’t see it coming.  At least weekly, I hear from someone telling me that they knew their marriage was not going as well as they would like, but they thought it was temporary.  Maybe they expected that once the kids were grown, there would be time for the marriage.  Or perhaps they thought that once their jobs were secure, or they were promoted, or. . . .

Fact is, marriages can fall apart, and one or the other spouse doesn’t see it coming, making you wonder “can this marriage be saved?” or “can I save my marriage?”

Start by learning what happened in this video.