Why You Need A PLAN To Save Your Marriage

150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

Do you have a plan to save your marriage?Do you have a plan to save your marriage?

Not an idea, floating around in your head.

But a plan.

Written down.

I have been asking this question for years, especially when someone tells me their marriage isn’t turning around.

90% tell me they DON’T have a plan.  I tell them, “that is the starting point.”

If you don’t have a plan, you don’t have a map.  If you don’t have a map, it is tough to get to where you want to get.

I know:  you have books, CD’s, DVD’s, study courses, articles, and all sorts of other information on how to save your marriage.

Information is just data.  When you take that information and process it (think and ponder about it) about your current situation, you arrive at knowledge.  Contrary to popular opinion, knowledge is not power.  It has no power until you apply it.

When you apply knowledge, and you keep applying it — learning from it and allowing it to transform you, then you arrive at wisdom!

But if you have no plan — no written plan for how you plan to save your marriage — the information is just information.  Interesting.  But not transforming.

In this week’s audio, I discuss several reasons why a written plan is so important, and how to get started on your plan.

Remember this quote, as it applies to having a plan:

Consult your plan, not your emotions.

Whenever you allow your emotions to call the shots, you will end up with those who see no change.  But when you consult your plan (you do have a plan, right?), new possibilities emerge.

Time to make a plan!

Here are the resources I mention in the podcast:
The Save The Marriage System (if you don’t have this, you need it, so you can start making your plan!)
Finding Your Why
Lee@SaveTheMarriage.com (If you are interested in the Virtual Coaching Program — limited availability!)

Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

Dr. Baucom is internationally known for his methods and approaches to saving marriages. For over 25 years, Dr. Baucom has been helping people around the world to save, restore, and create the relationships they desire and deserve. He is the author of the book, How To Save Your Marriage In 3 Simple Steps, and creator of the Save The Marriage System, as well as numerous other resources.

All stories by: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
  • manny

    Can you still save your marriage if your Wife still plans to connect with another party after 2 years of illicite relationship. The other party refuses to continue .

  • Hi Manny,
    If I understand your question, your spouse was involved in an affair, but is no longer. However, she wishes to restart it, although the other person does not.
    Assuming I understood correctly, then the feelings from the affair are likely to diminish over time.
    If you can rebuild the connection, and the left-over emotional charge from the affair dissipates, then you can work on rebuilding the relationship.
    Faithfully,
    Lee

  • Rebecca Dixon

    I suggest that you calmly tell your wife the following things: 1. How much you love her 2. That you would like to save your marriage. 3. Explain your marriage goals and your ideas and plan for how to reach those goals… Tell her what actions andd behaviors she can count on from you and what exactly you will be expecting from her. 4. Finally, tell her that the marriage cannot be given a proper chance to recover if she is going to have any communication with her ex lover. Ask her to stay away from him completely for at least 6 months while you implement changes. At the end of that time, you can discuss whether to call it quits or to keep working on the relationship plan (without the ex lover forever). If she refuses to stop seeing the ex lover, then she has made her choice to end things and you will need to accept that.