Monthly Archives :

June 2023

The Blame – Shame Trap
150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

The Anger/Blame/Shame 3-Step... and how to change it.Do you ever feel like you are dancing with your spouse… and not a fun dance??

Most of the time, couples get into habits.  They both know the steps, and they just keep going through them, 1-2-3, 1-2-3, 1-2-3….

No, the dances aren’t particularly helpful.  And yes, we keep dancing them, anyway!

One dance that many couples fall into is the Anger-Blame-Shame 3-step.  And that particular dance?  It keeps on repeating.  Except that the anger grows.  So does the blaming.

And so does the feeling of shame!  “Why can’t I/we figure this out?”, they wonder.

And then, they dance it again.

How can you stop the dance?  How can you find better steps?  Better ways of moving through life?

That is the topic of this podcast episode (listen below).  I tell you about those dance steps and why we do them… along with how to make a shift.

RELATED RESOURCES
Show Up
Anger and Resentment (Yours)
Anger and Resentment (Your Spouse’s)
Stepping Up
The Save The Marriage System