Does Marital Therapy Work – Save The Marriage: Even if only YOU want to!

“My Therapist Says Divorce!” – Listener Question

https://savethemarriage.com/stmblog/wp-content/themes/corpus/images/empty/thumbnail.jpg 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. https://secure.gravatar.com/avatar/669b7e375d93f77521ddaba08adb8063?s=96&d=blank&r=pg June 19, 2019 June 10, 2019

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

June 19, 2019

“In our very first session, our therapist told me that we were divorcing and I need to accept it,” Claire wrote.

I invited people to submit questions. And Claire did. (You can, too, by EMAILING HERE.)

Here is what happened: Claire wanted to save her marriage. Her husband thought it was over. Claire convinced him to go to therapy. But then, near the end of the first session (and as it turns out, the only session), the therapist turned to Claire and announced that the marriage was over and she needed to accept it.

Claire was shocked. No efforts to work on the relationship. No discussion on what might be possible. Just a declaration that the marriage was over… not from her husband, but from the therapist!

I only wish this was the first time to have heard pretty much the same story… but I have heard it over and over. Does a therapist have a right to announce that divorce is inevitable? Should a therapist work on the relationship first?

Let’s talk about 3 dangers that come up for therapy… and what to do about them.

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Am I Against Therapy?

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

January 23, 2019

I spent way more time in school than I would like. To be honest, I never enjoyed school. Not when I was a kid. Not in high school. Not in college. And not in 3 rounds of grad school (2 Master’s and 1 Ph.D.).

But I spent that time in school because I had a goal. To be a therapist. So, I did extensive training, focusing on marriage and family therapy.

So why am I critical of therapy?

Partly because I have seen it from the inside. Partly because I have seen the outcome studies of therapy — particularly marital therapy.

Which raises the question: am I opposed to therapy?

The answer: not in theory. And not even in some specifics.

When couples are ready to make changes, and when they work with a therapist who is specifically trained in marriage and family therapy theory, and who is skilled… the outcome can be excellent.

I know many couples who have benefitted. And I know some pretty amazing therapists.

But overall, the stats are not good. At least, in terms of saving marriages. 1/2 of all marriages that get therapy end up divorced — the same stat that applies to the general population.

There are some specific reasons why therapy often falls short. Some have to do with therapy/therapist. Some have to do with clients/couples.

I discuss why there are issues in this week’s Save The Marriage Podcast.

If you have tried therapy and it didn’t work, or if you don’t want to do therapy, please grab my Save The Marriage System

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3 Ways To Absolutely Guarantee Marital Therapy Will Fail

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

June 13, 2018

There it is, right on my website: marital therapy is not particularly effective. And yet, people often contact me to ask, “Where can I get therapy?”

Why?

Because our culture is psychologized and therapized, for good or bad.

So let me be crystal clear: I am NOT across-the-board opposed to marital therapy. There are excellent therapists out there. And there are excellent approaches out there.

It just isn’t guaranteed that you will find the right therapist, or that you and your spouse will approach therapy in a way that will be effective.

Which is the two parts of the problem: Therapist issues and client issues.

This week, I want to discuss 3 ways to really guarantee that your marriage therapy will fail. One is all about the therapist you choose. Two ways are about how you use the therapy.

And here is the super-cool thing: if you know these 3 ways to absolutely guarantee failure… you can avoid them! Then, therapy (if you so choose it) has a chance of helping… and not harming… your relationship.

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