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extramarital

The “Rocket Fuel” of Infidelity: #57 Save Your Marriage Podcast
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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Lipstick on his collarWhen “Janie” came to see me, she was lost.  She could not understand HOW her husband could be so wrapped up in his affair.  “Doug” was discovered at a lunchtime rendezvous with his mistress of 6 months.  A friend saw them sneaking into a motel room, and quickly called Janie.

Doug was ashamed, swore he would break it off, claiming it had only happened a couple of times.  While Janie didn’t really care how often they had met, Janie also didn’t believe him.  Doug had been distant for some time.  In fact, his distancing was at about the same time he began texting and chatting with the other woman.  Janie knew something was wrong; she just couldn’t imagine Doug would cheat.

In fact, few would have believed it.  Doug was always at his kids’ games, was in church every week, and was a civic leader.  He was also deeply involved in a very unhealthy relationship — one he seem completely unable to break from.

“What is driving him?  Why is he acting this way?” Janie pleaded.

Affairs seem to burn so hotly.  It can baffle the people involved and the spouses hurt by the relationship.  And it can be a fire that is tough to squelch and hard to escape.

Do not confuse the heat for love.

Rarely is love hatched in the midst of dishonesty and deceit.

Janie told me she just didn’t get it.  The other woman was less attractive, more needy, less successful, and just did not match up with what Doug proclaimed he wanted in life.  Yet there they were, deeply involved and proclaiming the “truth” of their relationship.

I pointed out one thing I want to point out to you:  affairs are not about the other person.  The other person is an object, a projection of lots of other things.  But it is really not so much about that other person.

Very frequently, after the affair is ended, the cheating spouse says to me, “I have no idea what I was thinking.  I don’t even LIKE that other person.”

Unfortunately, it can take time to get to that level of disconnect.

In this week’s podcast, I want to share with you the mixture that creates the “rocket fuel” of the intense feelings involved in an affair.

Take a listen and let me know what you think!

Looking for more on affairs?  CLICK HERE

Ready to save your marriage?  CLICK HERE

HERE IS THE LINK to my book, Recovering From Infidelity

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How To Recover From An Affair — Free Resources
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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Overcome infidelityHas your marriage been disrupted by an affair?  You are not alone.

Statistics on infidelity are a bit difficult to come by.  Estimates range from 30% to 60% of marriages have some episode of infidelity during the marriage.  That is a large span, from a minority to a majority of relationships.  One study found 22% of men and 14% of women admit to cheating in their marriage.

Let’s be clear:  statistics don’t matter.  What matters is what happens in YOUR marriage.  Just know that if infidelity is or has been a part of your marriage, you are not alone.

But infidelity does not have to end a marriage.  In fact, many couples find it possible to not only recover their relationship, but actually build a stronger marriage after the affair.  An affair can become a “wake up call” that things need to drastically change.

Are you wanting to save your marriage after infidelity?  I have prepared  several resources to help you.

CLICK HERE to learn what to do if your spouse had an affair.

CLICK HERE to learn what to do if you had an affair.

CLICK HERE to learn about what fuels an affair.

CLICK HERE to learn why sex is such an issue in marriage.

CLICK HERE to learn how to forgive and move forward.

CLICK HERE if you are ready to save your marriage.

If you want some extra help, you may want to grab my book, Recovering From Infidelity.  HERE IS THE LINK.