November 2005

I am often asked about the roots of problems in marriages. In other words, what started the problem?

I would venture to guess that the beginnings of the degeneration of a relationship are the fear of rejection leads to the couple acting in ways that are more removed and defensive. Fear is a deep-rooted issue, one that affects all of us. You could say that we are wired for fear. (You can read more about this at my Living Beyond Fear blog)

Fear is not the best place from which to heal a relationship. Better is acceptance and love. Love and acceptance are the antidote to fear. Our brains are really only capable of one state at a time. The two possible states are 1)Fear or 2)Love and Acceptance. So, acting out of love and acceptance actually causes a shift in our brain process –it changes our brain state from a downward spiral to an upward spiral.