“I Don’t Know What To Do”

• November 6, 2007
• Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
• 1 comment

I titled this blog with a comment I hear over and over. More than that, those who are caught in that phrase, “I don’t know what to do,” are often silently suffering.

When a marriage is in crisis, some people begin to immediately act. Others are frozen. Both are the same responses, a variation on the old “fight or flight” response to fear. When the emotion of fear grabs our innards, we are going to respond from very primitive areas in our brain. And either response can get us into trouble. (If you want to know more about how your brain gets you into trouble when trying to resolve a marriage problem, grab my ebook.)

If you are paralyzed not knowing what to do, the antidote is to get busy. Do something. Start reading, seek counsel, address the concerns in the marriage. I understand the feeling of helplessness, but you can choose to act in spite of the feeling of helplessness. You see, in life, it is not how you feel but what you do that determines where you end up.

At the same time, if you find yourself on the opposite end, panicky action, pause for a moment and find the actions that are reasonable and calm. Reacting in a panic is no better than not reacting.

A marriage in trouble cannot stay at the same point that created the crisis. Action is necessary, but the action must be sensible, not one stirred by the feelings of panic.

If your marriage is, indeed, in trouble, take a moment to decide which pattern you are following: panic or paralysis. Then recognize that the antidote to both is the same: choosing a path that is based on calm, sensible thinking.

********************
More marriage saving information can be found in my ebook, available by CLICKING HERE.