Will The End Of The Holidays Be The End Of Your Marriage?

• December 14, 2007
• Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
• no comments

All that holiday cheer! Families getting together, packages to give and open, smells to enjoy, the lights. . . ah, the holidays. But many a marriage ends with the holidays. Come the first week of January, many people will discover themselves headed for separation or divorce.

But don’t just blame the holidays! Many of these marriages were already, unbeknownst to one, at the end of the line. You see, many people set a date for when to end a marriage. That date is rarely arbitrary. Let’s face it: most relationships that end have been in trouble for a long time.

So, a date is chosen that seems safer to the person who has finally decided to call it quits. And since nobody wants to be the “bad guy), many people who have made the decision to leave in the last 4 to 6 months will choose to leave after the holidays. They tell themselves that they don’t want to ruin the holidays for the children.

Many marriages will end after the holidays because the stress of the holidays has finanally ended an already limping relationship. Between the heightened expectations, additional financial worries, too many social activities, and the let-down of it all, many couples find that the stress is just too much! A miserable marriage suddenly becomes an impossible marriage.

Either situation is tragic. Generally, one or the other is caught off-guard, unaware that things had gotten so bad. In fact, many are surprised because they thought things were better. The leaving spouse has often been keeping the plans concealed. You see, ending a relationship is rarely a consensual decision. Almost always, there is one who either doesn’t see things as being so bad or just wants to keep trying.

That is why they are sometimes so suprised. You see, people can often make a decision, then once the decision is made, begin to act very differently. The morose anger can disappear. Fights may stop, arguments may ce