Time. . . And Marriage

• March 24, 2012
• Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
• no comments

Last night, I had the chance to watch the movie, In Time. If you are not familiar, it is a dystopic future that divides the “haves” and “have nots” by who has time. Literally. The general population are programmed to live for 26 years (barring an accident or someone stealing their time). But the wealthy have become immortal, as they have time.

Their slogan, “for the few to be immortal, many must die”. So, they hoard time, and meanwhile, the masses live, quite literally, minute-to-minute.

So, my analysis of the movie is that it is a very intriguing and thought-provoking idea caught without a decent plot.

But, as I said, it makes you think. Time as the ultimate commodity. What if that was the case?

Oh, yeah. It is! When we make a purchase, we are trading the time it took to make that money for that product. That $5 coffee? Calculate how long it took to make the $5, then decide if it is worth it. And that is without adding in the loss of that $5 for future earnings. We trade our time for our possessions. And experiences. The movie is already true!

But what does that have to do with marriage? Lots!

How much time do we waste acting as if our marriage was worthless? For instance, think of all the time a couple loses in worthless arguing and struggling, somehow pretending that a) there must be a winner, and b) if they keep going, they will arrive at a conclusion.

Scoring points. That is the typical goal in most arguments. “Let me prove my point, and then you will see I am right.”. But how many of those arguments are just differences of opinion? Take those out, and you have a 90% reduction in arguments, making the other 10% much easier to solve.

Or how about how much time we spend unhappy, but unwilling to really work at it?

Now, some will use this as rationale for divorce. Get out of a bad relationship and move on.

If only it were that easy! People greatly underestimate the devastation of a divorce. It is crippling to kids, adults, finances, etc., etc., etc.

But being stuck isn’t the answer. Here’s the deal, pointed out in the movie: we are going to die. How we spend the time between here and there is our only choice. Wasting it in conflict, or using it to build a treasured relationship?

Your choice.