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Monthly Archives :

January 2014

5 Rules For Apologizing: #26 Save The Marriage Podcast
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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How To Save Your Marriage and ApologizeApologies.  We all do it — but do we do it right?

I remember being held by the scruff of my neck, forced to apologize to my brother.  I was neither apologetic nor conciliatory.  I was, however, captive.  So I apologized.

It was a good idea.  It is just that my heart wasn’t in it.

And sometimes, even when we mean it, we mess it up, just because of how we do an apology.

In this week’s podcast, we take a look at apologies and how to offer one.  This is a good follow up to the podcast on forgiveness.

Let me propose 5 rules for giving an apology and why an apology is so important.

What rules would you add?  What points did I miss?  Please leave a comment below.

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Frustrated and Ready To Give Up? Don’t!: #25, Save The Marriage Podcast
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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how to save your marriage when you are frustrated and want to give up.Just the other day, “Sue” wrote me to tell me she was ready to quit.  She told me that her husband had been involved in an emotional affair, and she discovered the emails.  When confronted, her husband told Sue that he did not love Sue and had been unhappy for years.

Sue decided to take matters in her own hands and save her marriage.  She changed herself and worked on improving the connection with her husband.  In fact, Sue went into “overdrive” in her efforts.  Several weeks in, she was exhausted, hurt and scared.  Her husband told her that he saw the efforts, but it was too late.

In her email, Sue told me she was ready to give up, but wanted to know what I thought.  She asked, “do I have a snowball’s chance in hell of saving this?”  Unfortunately, I don’t have a crystal ball.

But I do know this:  Sue was at a very normal, very predictable stage in the process of a marriage crisis.  In this audio, I will tell you the stages, and will also tell you one more thing:  sometimes people give up just before a breakthrough.  Sometimes, the resistance and frustration is highest just before a shift — but people either give up or try to force it.

Do you want to know the secret on what to do?  Take a listen to the audio.

Then let me know what you think in the comments area below!

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Stop Trying To Convince!: Episode 24, Save The Marriage Podcast
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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save your marriage, no begging, pleading, convincingDo you find yourself trying to convince your spouse to work on the relationship?

Do you try logic and rational facts to “help” your spouse see your point?

Do you find yourself begging and pleading, trying to get your spouse to change his or her mind?

Do you notice that these strategies fail?  Do you notice that many times, when you try to convince, when you argue, beg and plead, that you actually lose ground?

Let’s talk about why this happens, why your spouse is resisting, and how you can do it differently.

Please listen to this week’s podcast and let me know what you think in the comments area below.

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“Why Should I Forgive?” — Podcast #23, Save The Marriage
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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canyouforgiveorwillyoustaystucksaveyourmarriageIn last week’s article on New Year resolutions to save your marriage, I started with “forgive more.”  That struck a nerve.  Some people loved it. . . but many sent me letters asking, “why should I have to forgive?”  Ironically, my point was that forgiving frees the forgiver.

After the first couple of emails, I began to notice that perhaps I needed to clarify.  So, I tackle forgiveness in-depth for this week’s podcast.  In fact, I give you a 6 step process of how to forgive.  But of course, this is only helpful if you think you want to forgive.  I start the podcast by clarifying what I mean by forgiveness, and why I think it is so important.  (Hint:  not forgiving is like having a systemic infection that will eat away at the rest of your life.)

The catch is, as C.S. Lewis said, “Everyone thinks forgiveness is a lovely idea until he has something to forgive.”  When we have been injured, the idea of forgiving is not philosophical, and it can feel overwhelming.

Join me as we explore why to forgive and ways to forgive.

Let me know what you think in the comments below!

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