Stop Trying To Convince Your Spouse To Stay!

• October 22, 2014
• Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
• 3 comments

You line up your argument:  hit ’em with facts about how divorce affects the kids, show ’em how divorce will devastate retirement for both of you, show ’em research that proves divorces do not lead to more happiness or satisfaction, etc., etc., etc.

Now, you just know you can convince your spouse to stay!

Have you done that?  Have you decided to rationally explain why you should stay married, and how you two can work things out?

How did it go?

My guess is, it failed miserably.  At least in my experience, I have not seen that approach work.  A polite spouse may say, “You’ve given me lots to think about.”  (This is short-hand for “You’ve given me lots to think about, but I have no intention of thinking about it.”)  A less polite spouse may tell you where you can go, making it clear that the spouse is not interested in logic or reason.

Why is that?  Aren’t we reasonable creatures?  Don’t we follow logic?

The simple, and quite obvious, truth is that we humans are anything but rational, reasonable, and logical.

A quick glance around will let you know that logic is not winning in the world.  Emotions carry the day.

In fact, according to research, upwards of 90% of decision-making is emotional (and mostly unconscious).  We simply look for logical and rational reasons to support our emotional decisions.

Which is why your efforts to argue logic and reason will fail.

Marriage is nurtured by emotional connection — and starved by a lack of it.  When a marriage is connection-starved, decisions to leave are fueled, not by logic, but by emotions.  And attempts to argue logic?  They will fail.

Listen to the podcast and let me know what you think!

If you feel the need for more help in healing the emotions, drop me an email at [email protected].

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