End Your Controlling Behavior (before it ends your marriage)

• January 7, 2015
• Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
• 3 comments

Yet another email:  “My spouse is leaving me because my spouse is tired of my controlling behavior.  I didn’t know I was!  Help!”

Sometimes, the email tells me one thing different:  the person knew he/she was controlling — but thought it was OK.

It isn’t.

Controlling behavior is yet another dynamic that erodes the connection of any relationship — but is amplified in marriage.

Some people recognize they are controlling (and even brag a bit about it), and others simply don’t notice.

And for every person who is actively controlling, someone else has to be controlled.  These two roles are allowed and accepted by both.  And in the process, the foundation of the marriage is slowly crumbled.

Here’s the problem:  controlling behavior impinges on the freedom of choice of someone else; it undermines the judgement and thoughts of one person, while elevating another person’s actions and thoughts.

Sadly, many people miss the underlying cause of controlling behavior.  Instead, they feed the behavior and allow it more power.  In the process, they create a cycle of continually more and more controlling behavior.  At some point, a spouse decides enough is enough.

Don’t get to that point!  Learn how to step back from being controlling.

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