Close
Enter your
text here
Monthly Archives :

December 2015

New Year, New You in 1 Word
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
By:

New Year, New YouHere we are, on the cusp of a new year.  Just another day.  But in another way, a whole new day and whole new year.

No matter what this year has been for you, time to let it go and move forward.  We spend way too much time looking back at what has been.  That keeps us from truly looking forward toward what will and can be.

Let the last year stay behind you as you turn the calendar page.  Let’s move toward something new.

Who you were is someone you never have to be again, unless you want to be!  Otherwise, lets choose a new direction in the New Year.

If you are waiting for a lesson in making New Year’s resolutions, look elsewhere.  I used to do that.  I would end up with a list of 5 to 10 resolutions, made completely sober, that would fall one-by-one during the first few weeks of January, each year.

One word.

That is all you need for your change in this year.

One word.

Listen for how I do this, and how you can do the same (along with a few suggested shifts in perspective).

What is YOUR word?

 

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: RSS

Holiday Edition: Ghosts of Relationship Past
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
By:

The Ghosts of Relationship Past.Christmas Eve.  Chris and Holly have settled into bed.  Neither can sleep.  It is not, however, sugarplums dancing in their heads.

Both are replaying the arguments and hurts of the past.  Neither feels connected, although both are desperate for that warm embrace each used to treasure.

What happened?  Where did their relationship fall into trouble?

Can they find their way back?

First, they will have to make it through a night of haunts, as the Ghosts of Relationship Past visit them this night.

Are they the same ghosts that haunt your relationship?  Is there a path through the pain?

Listen in as Chris and Holly face the hauntings of their relationship.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: RSS

Confusion or Connection?
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
By:

Confusion or connection?Last week, on four separate coaching calls, I listened as a client said, “I’m confused.”  The client would then describe some behavior from a spouse that was causing my client to feel confused.  Maybe they had a good interaction, but an hour later, things went south.  Or perhaps they had a warm conversation before bed.  But in the morning, the chill had returned.  Or maybe the spouse was talking about working on things, only to say a day or so later, “This just won’t work.”

Confusion.

Understandable, right?  Understandable, but not helpful.

Generally, once someone is confused, they are far less effective in connecting.  It seems it is a choice between confusion and connection.

Don’t be confused.  That is not where you want to focus your energy.  Learn why to not focus there, and how to re-focus.

RELATED RESOURCES:
Your “Why”
Your Plan
hitYour Save The Marriage System
Your VIP Invite

 

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: RSS

Break Your Agreements!
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
By:

Break your agreements!Yep. Just break your agreements.  All of them.

No, not your agreement to take out the trashcan, clean the house, bring home the paycheck, pick up the kids, or some other agreement you have WITH your spouse.

Break your agreements you have ABOUT your spouse.

Your agreements are your beliefs you have “agreed” with yourself about.  They are beliefs you have, and remind yourself of, that you have of your spouse.

Perhaps you believe that your spouse is controlling or angry or distant or cold (even frigid) or rejecting or. . . any other belief you have.

You “agree” with yourself about these beliefs.  Without really finding proof or evidence, you decide that these beliefs are true, just by agreeing with yourself.

BREAK those agreements!  They do not serve you or your relationship.

Listen below to learn more.

And then join me in the Save The Marriage System.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: RSS

How To Move From Desperation to Aspiration
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
By:

We’ve all felt that feeling of desperation.  Everything seems to be closing in.  Life seems to be flying along, out of control, dragging you with it.  You feel breathless, anxious, out of control, fearful, and desperate.

Whenever there is a crisis, desperation tends to be the default setting for humans. It is just the way we are wired.  Not particularly helpful, but it is pretty much the default state.

Unfortunately, desperation often has the opposite effect than the one you want.  It pushes what you want further away.

Think about times when someone is desperate to “meet someone,” or “get a job,” or “make a sale.”  Watch as people flee from them, almost as if the person is repelling them.

Fortunately, there is another mode:  aspiration.  It is far more attractive, far more healthy, and feels far better.  But you have to choose to make the switch.  Desperation is default.  Aspiration is by choice.

Care to know how to make that switch?  Listen to this week’s podcast, as I talk you through the switch.

RELATED RESOURCES:
Reason Why To Save Your Marriage
Why You Need A Plan
Grab The Save The Marriage System
Learn More About Virtual Coaching

 

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: RSS