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Monthly Archives :

August 2016

Immutable Law Of Marriage: The Goal of Conflict is Progress
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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Immutable Law of Marriage: The Goal of Conflict is Progress.When you have a disagreement, what is your goal?  What are you trying to do?  What are you aiming at?

For many people, the goal of a disagreement is to get your way, make your point, prove yourself right — win.

In any relationship, that can be damaging.  But most relationships can either weather that dynamic or aren’t important enough to matter.  Except for marriage.

When the goal of conflict in marriage is to win, the relationship suffers.  Sure, an individual can walk away, feeling good about the points scored or the advantage gained.  But the relationship suffers.  And over time, the relationship breaks down.

Let me suggest that in any conflict, the goal should be progress.  In a marriage, it is crucial that the goal is progress.

Why do we lose sight of this?  Let’s talk about it on this week’s podcast.

The Immutable Law of Marriage:  The Goal of Conflict is Progress.

Immutable Laws Of Marriage Series
#1 Marriage Is About Becoming A WE
#2 Marriage Is NOT A Vehicle for Happiness (Or Misery)
#3 We ALL Have Fear
#4 There Is NO Pause
#5 Connection Is The Lifeblood

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Immutable Law of Marriage: Connection Is The Lifeblood
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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Immutable Law of Marriage: Connection is the Lifeblood of MarriageMaybe couples take it for granted.  Maybe they never knew.  And maybe they never knew because it was always there.  It was what led to being in love, to wanting to be together.  When it is there, you forget how important it is.  When it is gone, you realize your marriage is in deep trouble — but often only when it hits a critical turning point.

What is it?

Connection.

If a marriage loses connection, the marriage loses the lifeblood.

A friend of mine almost died from a heart attack.  His arteries were nearly clogged — and he never knew it!  Slowly, over time, the arteries were more and more clogged.  Sure, he got breathless.  But isn’t that just a part of aging?  Sure, he was tired.  But wasn’t his job stressful?

The critical incident only required a little clot to blog the rest, and down he went!  He is fortunate to be alive.

And now, once the blockage was cleared, he is feeling great.  He is back to exercising and an active life.  Why?  His blood flow is restored.

The lifeblood of your marriage?  Connection.  If it is blocked off, your marriage is in trouble.

The Immutable Law of Marriage:  Connection is the lifeblood of your marriage.  Listen to the podcast for what that means and how to restore circulation.

Immutable Laws Of Marriage Series
#1 Marriage Is About Becoming A WE
#2 Marriage Is NOT A Vehicle for Happiness (Or Misery)
#3 We ALL Have Fear
#4 There Is NO Pause

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Immutable Law: There Is No Pause
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
By:

Immutable Law of Marriage: There is no Pause.Every day, I hear the story:  “I thought we were just ‘on pause.’  After ______, we would get back to the relationship.”  That ______ can be:  friends, hobbies, education, job, sports, interests, and often — KIDS.

That time comes (if you even get that far), only to discover that the marriage was not on pause.  It was dying.

Sometimes, people find this out when there is no pulse, the relationship strangled of life.

What happened?

The Immutable Law Of Marriage is, “there is no pause in marriage.”

Connection is the life-blood of a marriage.  When you think you hit “pause,” you actually began strangling off the connection.  Once connection begins to fail, the marriage begins to suffocate.

Let’s talk about why you can’t hit “Pause,” and what to do if you already thought you hit “Pause.”

Immutable Laws Of Marriage Series
#1 Marriage Is About Becoming A WE
#2 Marriage Is NOT A Vehicle for Happiness (Or Misery)
#3 We ALL Have Fears

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

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Immutable Law: We ALL Have Fears
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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Immutable Law of Marriage: We ALL Have FearsThe Immutable Laws of Marriage are violated at your own peril.  This week, it is not so much a law you might violate, as much as it is a law you need to know.

Here it is:  We ALL have fears that we bring into a marriage.  Fears that really do not affect many other relationships.  They are deeply rooted and painful when hit — and you WILL hit them.  Over and over again.

That is just the nature of life and these fears.

In particular, we have two relational fears:

  1. The Fear Of Intimacy
  2. The Fear of Abandonment

These fears play off of each other, compound each other, and complicate each other.  Unless, of course, you understand what these fears are about, why they are there, and how to not let them dominate your relationship.

Learn how to avoid the sabotage of these fears in this week’s podcast.  Hit “PLAY” below.

Immutable Laws Of Marriage Series
#1 Marriage Is About Becoming A WE
#2 Marriage Is NOT A Vehicle for Happiness (Or Misery)

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

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Immutable Law: Marriage Is Not Your Vehicle for Happiness (or Misery)
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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Marriage is NOT your vehicle for happiness (or misery).Many people enter a marriage, assuming their marriage will make them happy.  Too many “Happily ever after movies,” perhaps.

You can have a happy marriage.  But a marriage is not THE path to happiness.  It can be a part of your happy life.  But that is up to you — not the marriage.

But nor is your marriage a vehicle for misery.

If you look to your marriage to make you happy, you violate this law.  If you blame your marriage for your misery, you violate the law.

Can marriage be a part of your happy life?  Absolutely.  Can you have a happy marriage?  Absolutely.  But your marriage should not hold responsibility for your happiness (or misery).

Let me clarify and tell you more on this week’s podcast.  Listen below.

Immutable Laws Of Marriage Series
#1 Marriage Is About Becoming A WE

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

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