Not Doing or Not Knowing What To Do

• January 17, 2020
• Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
• no comments

Every day, I hear from people who are stuck in a marriage crisis.  When I ask them, “what are you doing to work on your marriage?”, their response is:  “Well, not much…. I’m stuck.”

Just to clarify, these folks are all wanting to save their marriage.  None want their relationship to just end.  That’s why they are reaching out to me.

HERE IS WHO I AM

They (and probably you) want to save your marriage.  And yet many times, nothing is really happening.  Maybe you’ve already tried something.  But many times, there hasn’t really been any action.

What’s going on here?  Why no action?

Years ago, a health crisis made me take a long look in the mirror.  Did I know that not exercising was not good?  Yep.  Did I know that eating poorly was not good?  Yep.

And still, I didn’t exercise and I didn’t eat well.

Then, my body rebelled.  To the point that I had doctors telling me that I was headed for disability… and eventual death.  That will get your attention!

I was fortunate.  While their diagnosis was correct, the prognosis was not.  I beat the odds and recovered.  Not because I was taking better care of myself.  I just got lucky.

But it got my attention!  I realized that I had to turn things around… before the next crisis came along… one that I could not beat.

So, I started exercising.  I tried to eat better.  I WANTED to get better.  And sure, there was a difference.  I got in better shape.  I was dealing with stress better.  And yes, in some ways, I was eating better.

My weight, though, didn’t shift much.  I kept trying to eat better… but not much changed on the scale.

Yes, I was frustrated.  I kept telling myself I was DOING something.  But really, it was only a minor shift.  Mostly because I did not understand HOW to make a change.

Did I want to lose weight and get into better shape?  Absolutely.  Had I made some progress?  No doubt.  Had anything truly changed?  Nope.  Except now, I was well aware of my plight?  I knew I needed to change.  I just wasn’t doing anything that was going to make a change.

Know why?

I didn’t know how!

Sometimes, we say we want to do something… but we really don’t.  We just think we should want to do it.  But many times, we really do want to make a change… we just lack the know-how.

So, I started researching.  No, I did not want to do the research on how to eat better.  No, I didn’t even want to be an expert in eating better.  But I wanted to FIND the expert… the person who had already done the research.  Then, I could just follow what they had already found.

First stop was the Slow Carb Diet.  It worked.  I lost weight.  But on cheat days, I felt absolutely awful.  So, I dug deeper and found the Paleo approach.  That was like magic.  Since then, I have just been fine-tuning as I find better research.  That has included Keto dieting, Intermittent Fasting, etc.  My body weight?  I’m 6’4”, and weigh 185.  I wear the same pant waist size as in college.  My body fat is around 11%.  Not bad for an almost-54 year old.

Was it because I became an expert?

No.  It was because I found expertise and followed their advice.  I didn’t need to reinvent something.  I just needed to follow something.

What about marriage?

Here is the honest truth:  most people fail in marriage because nobody told them what marriage was really about.

HERE IS A TRAINING ON WHAT MARRIAGE IS REALLY ABOUT

And even if you might have some idea of what a marriage is about, what do you do when there is a crisis?  There is no reason for you to know how to deal with a crisis.  We rarely know what to do when something unexpected hits.

What caused the problem?

HERE IS A TRAINING ON WHY MARRIAGES GET INTO TROUBLE

“Sure,” you might say, “things haven’t been the best.  But they weren’t the worst.  Why a crisis now?”

HERE IS A TRAINING ON WHY YOU ARE IN CRISIS NOW

Once the crisis is here, you are likely unprepared on what to do.  So, let me suggest taking a look at my Back To Basics Series.

HERE IS THE BACK TO BASICS SERIES OF TRAINING

Here’s what I know:  you are serious about saving your marriage.  That means you have a desire to save your marriage.  But as we have discussed, wanting to save your marriage is far different than knowing how to save your marriage.

The fact that you are not willing to just give up and walk away is commendable.  It is COURAGEOUS to decide to work on saving a marriage.  Saving your marriage MATTERS.

But here is where the “rubber hits the road.”  Desire to save your marriage is not enough.  You need steps.  You need a plan.

How are your efforts going?  Are you stuck?  Let’s get you through this.

Do you have my Save The Marriage System?

“NO” – Click HERE To GRAB My SAVE THE MARRIAGE SYSTEM

“YES” – Click HERE To LEARN MORE About Coaching Options For MORE HELP

Look, I recognize that saving a marriage can be tough, painful, scary, and frustrating.  As much as you WANT to do it, you have to KNOW HOW to do it.  Otherwise, you will either get stuck because you don’t know what to do or make it worse by doing the wrong thing.

It is too important to stay stuck.  It isn’t your fault that you didn’t know what to do.  But it is up to you to figure it out… for you, your spouse, your marriage, and your family.  So, let’s make sure you have what you need.  Let’s get you “up to speed” and get you moving ahead.

It is always your choice on whether to save your marriage or not.  If you decide to, then the next decision is to find out how.

If you need a System that has been tested and refined for nearly 3 decades, GO HERE TO GRAB MY SAVE THE MARRIAGE SYSTEM.

If you have my System, but still need more help, CHECK OUT MY OTHER RESOURCES HERE.

I’m pulling for you!

Lee Baucom, Ph.D.
Creator of the Save The Marriage System
Author of How To Save Your Marriage In 3 Simple Steps, Recovering From The Affair, Marriage Failpoint, Thrive Principles, The Immutable Laws Of Living, The Forgive Process
Host of Save The Marriage Podcast and Thriveology Podcast