February 2023

Since Valentine’s Day is passed and the hearts have come down in the stores (except in the clearance area), we can face a reality that confuses many people.

“Our marriage is broken,” she told me.  “We don’t have the passion anymore, so I don’t think we should stay married.”

Missing passion… is it the end of marriage, or something else?

Most relationships are sparked by infatuation.  Call it passion or romance, but the desire to be with that person, that overwhelming attraction, is a building-block for a long-term relationship — including marriage.  It is, though, not the goal.

For most, that part of a relationship is a stage.  It naturally cools over time.  This is just the nature of an attraction.  It tempers over time.  Which means that we can get back to the rest of life — the parts of life that get disregarded in the heat of passion.

Does that mean you must just let romance and passion fall by the wayside?  Not at all.  You just can’t count on it as the focus.

Unfortunately, people often judge a marriage dead because the passion is missing. Also unfortunately, they haven’t nurtured the passion and romance.  The fact that it disappeared is more a reflection of the damaged connection than a sign the marriage was not meant to be, or has irretrievably failed.

I discuss the Passion Paradox in this episode of the Save The Marriage Podcast.  Listen below.

RELATED RESOURCES
Love Is Not Effortless
Does Romance Kill A Relationship?
Where DID Those Feelings Go?
Save The Marriage System

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Recently, more and more people have been asking about “Marriage Intensives.”  If you aren’t familiar, these are often week-end (and sometimes week-long) events with lots and lots of (usually therapy) sessions.  The theory is that an intensive treatment is needed to save a marriage.

Often (but not always), they are run by therapists.  Either they come to you or you go to them.  And then, you “hit it hard.”  You may do multi-hour, multiple times per day, sessions over the days you spend together.

The plan is to send you home, having resolved your issues and all fixed.

If that is something you have (or are) considering, please take a listen to the podcast, as I talk through these approaches.  I am hoping I can help you make an informed decision.  And if you have already been to one, listen in to see if you think I am accurate.  I’d love to hear your experience.

Listen in below as we discuss whether a marriage intensive is for you.

RELATED RESOURCES
The Dangers of Therapy
Am I Against Therapy?
How to Guarantee Therapy Fails
Save The Marriage System

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There are lots of myths about marriage.  But there is one myth that comes up over and over.  In fact, the trap for this myth is set at the very early stages of every relationship.

The question is whether you step into the trap or not.  Will the myth trip you up and start the deterioration of your marriage?  Or a better question:  has it already damaged your marriage?

How is the trap set?

Think back to the beginning of your relationship.  The early days.  When you were so happy to have found that “one.”  Remember how giddy it felt to hear from that special person?  How happy you were to see each other?  How much better life seemed?  It was intoxicating.

And plays directly into this myth.

This myth is all about marriage and happiness… and the role of a spouse.

Listen to this week’s podcast to understand this myth… and why it is so dangerous!

RELATED RESOURCES:
The Goal Of Marriage
Being A WE
Other Myths of Marriage
“I’m Not Happy”
Save The Marriage System

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