Inertia and Momentum: Physics and Marriage

• August 19, 2008
• Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
• no comments

There are two laws of physics that seem to me to be important for a marriage: inertia and momentum. Don’t worry, I am no physicist. I can tell you what little I know, and why it matters to your marriage.

First is inertia. An object at rest remains at rest (unless a force acts upon it, but more on that later). And second is momentum. An object in motion remains in motion (unless a force acts upon it, and ditto about later). Oh, and momentum builds, when gravity is pulling.

But let me place this into the context of marriage. Really, there are two types of marriages: those caught by inertia and those catching momentum. Either marriages are moving forward or are stuck and falling apart.

I can’t tell you how many times I have heard “I knew things weren’t that great, but I thought that at some point, we would get it back together.” Instead, the spouse announced that he or she was unhappy and was leaving. That marriage had been caught by inertia, stuck in one place.

Then there are marriages that seem to get better and better. They have found what works, and they are moving forward with it. Those marriages gain momentum.

Here’s the thing: moving from inertia to momentum is tough! Now we are onto that “force” issue. The laws of physics always use that phrase “unless a force acts upon it.” That is true in marriage. The relationship is caught by inertia. . . unless someone applies some force to it. A marriage that is moving ahead continues to move ahead. . . unless a force acts upon it.

If you have ever rowed a boat, you have experienced the movement from inertia to momentum. A boat that is still is at inertia. The first couple of pushes of the paddle are tough! The boat only slowly moves forward. But keep rowing, and the boat begins to move easier through the water. Rowing becomes easier, and the boat moves quicker. The boat has shifted from inertia to momentum.

So, let’s say that your marriage is at a point of inertia — stuck! You may take some action. You may do something to improve the situation. But it feels awkward, strange. It is met with resistance. Your spouse looks at you strangely, or asks what you are up to. Or simply says “too little, too late.”

Then, you say to yourself, “well, this isn’t going to work!” The laws of physics are in play. If you quit then, you didn’t do enough to overcome inertia. Keep acting. Keep trying. Keep looking for opportunities to connect.

Over time, the momentum begins to build. Then, one day, you notice you have just the marriage you have always wanted! All because of a little physics!

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