Save Your Marriage Podcast – Page 38 – Save The Marriage: Even if only YOU want to!

Do You Choose Your Response?

https://savethemarriage.com/stmblog/wp-content/themes/corpus/images/empty/thumbnail.jpg 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. https://secure.gravatar.com/avatar/669b7e375d93f77521ddaba08adb8063?s=96&d=blank&r=pg July 20, 2016 July 12, 2016

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

July 20, 2016

Have you ever been sucked into a situation or argument, then realized your actions were not what you wanted?

There is that split second, that pause, where you get to choose your response.

Many people miss that split second, telling themselves, “I had no choice. I was just reacting.”

But deep down, we know that is not the case. We have a choice on how to respond. Miss that choice and regret the reaction.

How do you choose?

Let’s talk about that in this week’s podcast. Listen below.

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“How I Saved My Marriage”

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

July 13, 2016

Many times, in the midst of trying to save a marriage, the anxiety and fears can lock you up, overwhelmed with what to do next.

When that happens, the outcome is often a lack of change, motivation, or action.

And things continue in the downward spiral.

So today, I want to invite you to use your imagination — a little Jedi mind trick. Imagine that you DID save your marriage. You HAVE created a loving, supportive, respectful marriage. You look forward to spending time together. Your issues resolve themselves peacefully and effectively.

Now, you are looking back to see what you did, in order to save your marriage. You notice how you approached the situation, how you dealt with the issues, and how you moved forward — even in the face of frustration and difficulties.

In today’s podcast, we reflect on “what you did” to save your marriage — and by doing that, we create a path for you to do just that: Save Your Marriage.

Listen below.

(and if you are ready to take action, CLICK HERE FOR MY SYSTEM)

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Games Couples Play — Are YOU?

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

July 6, 2016

Games should be fun. But the games we are talking about today are NOT fun.

These are patterns of interaction and communication.

The design is to get a need met. But behind it is a dysfunction. It may be a lack of clarity in what someone wants or expects. It may be an unwillingness to say what a person wants or needs. It may be a false expectation of how things should be. But somewhere is a false belief.

And that false belief — along with the effort to fulfill that belief — is what leads to the (destructive) game.

Are you playing one of these games?

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3 Reasons Your Efforts Might Fail

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

June 29, 2016

Over and over, people tell me about their “unique” situation, doubting that my System would do anything for their marriage problem. Deep down inside, we all believe we are “special,” unique, and beyond the information that is out there.

My belief is that there are some commonalities to why marriages work. A marriage in trouble does need to do some repair work. But even that process is doing what works — following the “laws” of a marriage.

But over and over, I watch people hit the same spot in their efforts. . . and fail. I call these the Points of Failure. There is a Primary Fail Point, which I won’t cover in this podcast. It is big enough that it needed an extensive training that I provide for VIP members.

Another 3, though, are critical to know and avoid. They are:

Not being accountable/taking responsibility (this has NOTHING to do with blame or fault),
Not having a plan/not preparing,
Not following a system or approach.

These are such important points, and so easily missed.

Listen to this week’s podcast, so you understand the Fail Points, and know how to avoid them.

Important Resources:
Save The Marriage System
VIP Program (if you already have the System)
Follow me on Instagram for inspiration

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Are You Owning It?

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

June 22, 2016

This post may be a bit. . . confrontational. But let me be clear that change requires a change. Something must shift. A new perspective must develop. And personal growth is part of that.

Here’s why I think this topic today is so important: on an almost daily basis, I hear from clients by email or in phone calls. They tell me the same line:

“I can’t help how I reacted! My spouse (pushed my buttons/disrespected me/made me angry/hurt my feelings/said mean things/was a jerk/….”

In that mindset, the person is just a puppet, responding to the outside world, thinking that the reaction is completely justified and understandable.

Change comes when you make the change. A different response changes the trajectory of your relationship. At this point, ONLY YOU can do that!

So, are you owning your response? Are you choosing your response?

Or do you continue to view your reaction as “can’t help it, makes sense, not my fault, etc., etc.”?

Time to make a shift.

Listen below to learn how.

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3 Reasons Your Spouse Doesn’t See A Change

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

June 15, 2016

You’ve been working hard. You’ve been trying to make some personal changes, growing and expanding yourself. You’ve been trying to build a connection with your spouse, slowly and steadily.

You feel good about what you are doing. You believe you are gaining grown.

But then, your spouse doesn’t notice any change at all!

What happened? Why can’t your spouse see the changes?

It can be challenging, frustrating, hurtful, and downright defeating. But there is a reason your spouse isn’t noticing (or admitting to noticing) the changes.

In fact, there are 3 reasons why your spouse doesn’t see the changes.

Let’s take a look at the 3 reasons, and start creating a strategy to make those changes visible.

Listen below.

RELATED RESOURCES:
Save The Marriage System
VIP Program (If you have the System and are ready to Up Your Game)

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Shift from “What Happened?” to “What Now?”

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

June 8, 2016

When a crisis strikes, we all have a tendency to get stuck in the “What Happened” loop.

We keep going over and over the details, looking for what we missed along the way, looking for the places things could be different.

Many times, we are trying to re-write history, to make it have happened differently, or not at all. We are, in essence, looking for a way to re-write history.

Unfortunately, we can’t rewrite history. And the process only serves to anchor us to the problems and pain.

A shift to “What Now” breaks the loop, and creates possibility and potential. This is where change happens. This is where reconnection happens. This is where healing happens.

Are YOU stuck in the “What Happened?” loop? Time to break it and shift to “What Now?” Listen to this week’s podcast training for how to make the shift.

RELATED RESOURCES
3 C’s of Change
No Pause In Marriage
Show Up
Forgiveness
Being a WE
Grab the System

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Apathy. . .

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

June 1, 2016

So, what DO you do when apathy strikes? It might be YOUR apathy. But more likely, it will be your spouse’s apathy. It just seems there is no emotion, no care, no concern.

What IS apathy?

What does it mean?

Why does it happen?

And most importantly, what can you do about it?

This week, we explore dealing with YOUR apathy, then dealing with YOUR SPOUSE’S apathy.

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“The Last Straw”

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

May 25, 2016

A fight. An affair. An indiscretion. An argument. Some event.

Suddenly, someone announces “this is over.”

You may point to that event, the moment when things seemed to turn upside down.

But that event was just that: an event. It was a “tipping point.” Almost always, there was a long, slow climb to the top before you “tipped over” the summit. The straw was being piled on, before that “last straw” broke the camel’s back.

Unfortunately, people tend to get focused on that single event, pointing to the symptom. Not the problem.

And that makes efforts ineffective. You are aiming at the wrong target. Deal with the problem — not the symptom — if you want to make progress.

Listen in for how.

RELATED RESOURCES:
You Need A Plan
Show Up
“Why Are We Fighting?”
We ALL Have Issues
Save The Marriage System

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What Are You Controlling?

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

May 18, 2016

So many times, I hear couples say, “Stop Controlling ME!” Interestingly, sometimes, both people are saying it to the other. BOTH people are not likely to get very far in controlling. But BOTH claim a controlling spouse, while NEITHER accepts being controlling.

Why is that?

From my perspective, people spend a great deal of energy trying to control things that cannot be controlled, and forgetting to control the things they CAN control.

And this is why both people can feel controlled, and neither can feel controlling.

Do you feel that you are in a controlling marriage, with a controlling spouse? Do you think YOU might be controlling, of your spouse and of your relationship?

Consider 3 categories of control, things over which you:

have NO control,
have PARTIAL control,
have FULL control.

Spend your time trying to control the things over which you have no control, and you are headed for frustration (your spouse’s and yours). Forget to control the things you can, and you are headed for problems.

Let’s talk about control — where you have it and where you don’t.

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