I know. I say it all the time. Connection is crucial — even critical — for the health and survival of your marriage.

But what if there is a trap… a Connection Trap?

Guess what?

There IS!

On this week’s podcast, I answer “D’s” question about their stuck place. She names what she thinks are the 3 C’s that must be there for a strong marriage. She names Commitment, Connectivity, and Chemistry. Those aren’t bad choices. They just set a trap.

A trap I want to warn you about!

But first, let me make it clear:  I wholeheartedly agree with commitment.  It is the guiding star for any marriage.  And it is critically important for guidance as you navigate your marriage crisis.  It can keep you pointed toward safe-harbor while you work on healing.

The trap, then, is with the other two.  No, I am not against connection (it is at the heart of my approach in my System).  I get concerned with how people expect connection to work.  And that is the trap.  Chemistry is another complicator to the trap.

Listen in below as I discuss The Connection Trap.

RELATED RESOURCES
Healing Disconnection — Resources to Help
“Space” and Connection
The Connection Principle
The Save The Marriage System

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The Pause Button.  You didn’t know you hit it.  But you probably did.

“We’ll get back to each other after the kids/ promotion/ travels/ hobbies/ events/ friends… (well, you get the idea).”

AFTER life, we will get back to love.

There is only one problem.  Relationships are either growing or receding, strengthening or weakening.

There IS no pause.

When you hit the Pause-Button, you are… even without realizing it… choosing the path of disconnection.

Then, when you go to UN-pause, you look at each other, strangers.  Disconnected.

In this episode of the podcast, I tell you why pause is such a problem, and point you to a path back.

RELATED RESOURCES
The Pause Button Marriage
Connection in Marriage
Surviving Disconnection
Communication in Marriage
Save The Marriage System

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Saving your marriage is important. But not always easy. Isn’t that a truth in life, though? What is easy is rarely important. And what is important is worth the effort.

There are some things that can make your process of saving your marriage a bit more complicated though.

Not impossible.

Just more complicated.

While there are others, I cover seven different complicators in this episode of the Save The Marriage Podcast.  If you feel stuck, you may want to see if one of these complicators is tripping you up… and what to do about it!

Listen below.

RELATED RESOURCES:
Stops Along The Way to Divorce
Why Connection is So Important
Can It Even Be Saved?
The Save The Marriage System

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Many people are struggling with depression.  And they find themselves in the midst of a marriage crisis. So, what does depression mean for those situations? How does depression affects a marriage.  Does depression cause a crisis? Or do people get depressed because of the crisis?  Or… and this is more central to the question… how do you deal with depression and a marriage crisis?

Depression is a reality for many people.  And depression is a part of a marriage crisis many times.

The question is how you move through both crises:  depression and a marriage crisis.

In this podcast, I discuss the effects of depression, some thoughts about causation, and how to deal with the depression while addressing the relationship crisis.

RELATED RESOURCES
Beat Depression Series
Showing Up In Marriage
Connection in Marriage
Save The Marriage System

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Do you settle down with a good book you have read over and over this time of year?  I read my kids the exact same Christmas book every single year.  And many years, I re-read a classic for myself… like A Christmas Carol.  This year, I offer you a redux of a prior podcast episode… about the Ghosts of Your Relationship Past.  Yep.  Christmas, with new opportunities.  Here it is:

Christmas Eve.  Chris and Holly have settled into bed.  Neither can sleep.  It is not, however, sugarplums dancing in their heads.

Both are replaying the arguments and hurts of the past.  Neither feels connected, although both are desperate for that warm embrace each used to treasure.

What happened?  Where did their relationship fall into trouble?

Can they find their way back?

But first, they have to make it through a night of haunts, as the Ghosts of Relationship Past visit them this night.

Are they the same ghosts that haunt your relationship?  Is there a path through the pain?

Listen in as Chris and Holly face the hauntings of their relationship.

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Several podcast listeners have asked why a spouse only remembers the negative, or only dwells on the negative.  Why don’t they remember the good times or see the good things? Why does it feel like they only see the negative?

Over the years, I have noticed this as a recurring and common issue in your efforts to save your marriage.  A spouse’s thoughts just stay on the negative.  Maybe thinking about what is going on now or remembering what happened then.  (Memories are just current thoughts about past events — not accurate representations of the past.)

Since this is such a common phenomenon, I thought it might be good to cover it in a podcast episode.

If your spouse is stuck in the negative (or you find yourself stuck in the negative), let’s look at the reasons it happens… and what you can do about it!

RELATED RESOURCES
Book:  How To Save Your Marriage in 3 Simple Steps (I have a chapter on changing limiting beliefs)
How’s Your Attitude?
Hope and Stockdale Paradox
Where To Focus
“The Last Straw”
Going Pro
Program: Save The Marriage

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“A” has been trying to set boundaries with her husband.  Trying to get the treatment she deserves.  Trying to get the relationship to a healthy spot.

But then, her spouse throws a little shade her way… rolling eyes, using a demeaning tone.  What should she do to set a boundary on that?, she asks

In this case, A has a good hold on what to do when, say, her spouse raises his voice or calls her names.  But what about those less-clear actions — using a “you’re so stupid” tone (note that this requires you to read a tone… not always a good thing to try).

Sometimes, boundaries are clear.  You know how to set them.  I even have a whole chapter on it in the primary module of Save The Marriage System.

But when it is more subtle… a little harder to pin down.  And a little harder to call someone on.  What about that?

I cover it in this week’s Save The Marriage Podcast.  Listen below.

RELATED RESOURCES
Setting Boundaries
Boundaries and Control
Healing Hurt
Expectations and Agreements
Conflict
Save The Marriage System

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