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affair recovery

Escaping the Attraction – breaking free from the affair partner
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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How to escape the attraction with an affair partner, so you can heal your marriage and find the connection you want and crave.Another listener question is the topic of this week’s episode of the Save The Marriage Podcast.  The question focuses on an affair… and leaving it.  What do you do about the strong attraction that can develop with the affair partner?

What if your brain is telling you the feelings are real… and if they are there, maybe it was meant to be?  What if you keep wondering if the affair partner is your “soulmate,” and you messed up with marrying your spouse?

Or what if these are the questions of your spouse?  That your spouse is trying to break free, but keeps falling back into the thoughts (and arms) of the affair partner?

How do you break free?

Can you break free?

You can.  And your marriage can be filled with the connection you were missing.

How?

Listen in to this week’s episode below.

RELATED RESOURCES
Recovering From The Affair Book
Affair Recovery Resources
The Importance of Connection
Save The Marriage System

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The Fantasy and Fallacy of Infidelity
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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FalacyFantasyInfidelityInfidelity is powerful. And destructive.

It is also powered by fantasy. Oh, and did I mention the fallacy of infidelity?

We don’t have clear figures about infidelity.  Estimates are that around 1/5th to 1/4th of people, male and female, commit infidelity.  This estimate is based upon physical infidelity.

Emotional infidelity is much harder to track.  Many people are unable to distinguish between

emotional infidelity and “good friend,” or “we just talk.” So, many commit emotional infidelity, but aren’t clear about it.

In this week’s podcast episode, I expose the fantasy and fallacy that fuels infidelity.

RELATED RESOURCES:
Infidelity Recovery Podcasts
Book:  Recovering From The Affair
Save The Marriage System

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The “Rocket Fuel” of Infidelity: #57 Save Your Marriage Podcast
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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Lipstick on his collarWhen “Janie” came to see me, she was lost.  She could not understand HOW her husband could be so wrapped up in his affair.  “Doug” was discovered at a lunchtime rendezvous with his mistress of 6 months.  A friend saw them sneaking into a motel room, and quickly called Janie.

Doug was ashamed, swore he would break it off, claiming it had only happened a couple of times.  While Janie didn’t really care how often they had met, Janie also didn’t believe him.  Doug had been distant for some time.  In fact, his distancing was at about the same time he began texting and chatting with the other woman.  Janie knew something was wrong; she just couldn’t imagine Doug would cheat.

In fact, few would have believed it.  Doug was always at his kids’ games, was in church every week, and was a civic leader.  He was also deeply involved in a very unhealthy relationship — one he seem completely unable to break from.

“What is driving him?  Why is he acting this way?” Janie pleaded.

Affairs seem to burn so hotly.  It can baffle the people involved and the spouses hurt by the relationship.  And it can be a fire that is tough to squelch and hard to escape.

Do not confuse the heat for love.

Rarely is love hatched in the midst of dishonesty and deceit.

Janie told me she just didn’t get it.  The other woman was less attractive, more needy, less successful, and just did not match up with what Doug proclaimed he wanted in life.  Yet there they were, deeply involved and proclaiming the “truth” of their relationship.

I pointed out one thing I want to point out to you:  affairs are not about the other person.  The other person is an object, a projection of lots of other things.  But it is really not so much about that other person.

Very frequently, after the affair is ended, the cheating spouse says to me, “I have no idea what I was thinking.  I don’t even LIKE that other person.”

Unfortunately, it can take time to get to that level of disconnect.

In this week’s podcast, I want to share with you the mixture that creates the “rocket fuel” of the intense feelings involved in an affair.

Take a listen and let me know what you think!

Looking for more on affairs?  CLICK HERE

Ready to save your marriage?  CLICK HERE

HERE IS THE LINK to my book, Recovering From Infidelity

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