Am I The Problem In My Marriage – Save The Marriage: Even if only YOU want to!

Quit Asking “Why is This Happening?”

https://savethemarriage.com/stmblog/wp-content/themes/corpus/images/empty/thumbnail.jpg 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. https://secure.gravatar.com/avatar/669b7e375d93f77521ddaba08adb8063?s=96&d=blank&r=pg January 25, 2022 January 24, 2022

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

January 25, 2022

At the beginning of a coaching session, I do a quick “check-in” to see what we need to accomplish in that session. Since coaching is all about moving forward and making progress, I want to make sure we are moving forward toward client success.

But what I often hear instead is, “I want to know why this is happening (the marriage crisis).” I get it. There is something about knowing why that is somehow satisfying, if not particularly helpful. What is even more interesting, though, is how often the same client can return to this very question.

If I hear the question one time, we can answer it and move forward. But if I hear the question on repeat, I know there is something else going on. And one thing I know for sure, time after time, is that this question does nothing to move your marriage or yourself forward.

It is actually an anchor to the past.

And it is hard to move forward when you are anchored backward.

If you want to save your marriage, stop asking how you got here, and start asking how to get to where you want to go!

(I cover it in-depth in the podcast episode. Listen below.)

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“Am I The Problem?”

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

April 17, 2019

Maybe your spouse has been saying, “This is ALL YOUR FAULT!” Or maybe it is just you… wondering… torturing yourself… about whether this marriage crisis is your fault. Are you the problem?

Let me reassure you that you are not the first person to wonder that. People search about that on my blog. People write me to ask that same question. Many people start our coaching sessions with the same question.

So, what is the truth? Are you the problem? Did you cause the problem? Does that even help the problem?

Many times, people like to look at one single point-in-time… frequently, a point that leaves them as NOT at fault. They look for a time when they can accuse someone else, blame someone else, for the situation.

And rarely is that accurate, or even fair.

Still, we all like to point the blame elsewhere.

Let’s talk about this from a couple of perspectives. One is kind of a higher level perspective, to question the concept of blame. The other is a much more practical “what do I do?” perspective. Both get us to a better place than simply asking, “Am I the problem? Am I to blame for our marriage crisis?”

Listen below as I tackle the question: “Am I the Problem?”

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One Question That Can Destroy Any Marriage

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

September 13, 2017

There are some questions that can help a marriage. There are many thoughts that can improve your relationship.

But there is one question that will suck the life right out of a marriage. And it is a question you don’t even need to ask another person, in order to do the damage.

In fact, another person won’t make a difference for this question. It is a question lurking within you.

Oh, and did I mention that another question, similar to this question — but very different in direction — can help restore a relationship?

Change the question, change the frame. Get stuck on the question, get stuck in a downward spiral. It’s up to you. . . once you know the question.

Which one are you asking?

(Need some help with your marriage? Grab my Save The Marriage System RIGHT HERE.)

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