can a marriage be saved – Save The Marriage: Even if only YOU want to!

Discouraged? Here is what to do (5 things)…

https://savethemarriage.com/stmblog/wp-content/themes/corpus/images/empty/thumbnail.jpg 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. https://secure.gravatar.com/avatar/669b7e375d93f77521ddaba08adb8063?s=96&d=blank&r=pg January 19, 2022 January 17, 2022

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

January 19, 2022

Discouraged?

You are trying to save your marriage and… you can’t get traction. You move a little ahead, only to slide backward. Steps forward and steps backward.

And that is why you are discouraged.

Am I right?

What if I told you that was the nature of the process? What if I told you that almost everyone has moments of frustration?

Most people feel like giving up (and many do) at various points in their efforts. This is not a process that follows a steady line of progress. It is more a tangled line, running up and down.

This is important work. And that is what makes it so tough. Important things often feel the most frustrating… especially when they are not going the way you want them to go. But, and let me say this again, it is important work, saving your marriage.

Let me tell you the 5 things to do when you are discouraged, to help you keep moving forward. Listen to the episode below.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: RSS

If THEY Can’t, Who Can?

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

May 5, 2021

I was busy working on some projects when a news notification popped up on my tablet: “Bill and Melinda Gates Announce They Are Divorcing.” Wow, what a power couple! And they were calling it quits.

Whenever this happens, a powerful and successful couple decides to divorce, I hear from a few people. They look at all of that _______ (you fill in the blank: money, success, resources, connections, etc.) and wonder, “What chance do I have to save MY marriage, if THEY can’t stay together.”

I would presume that Bill and Melinda, along with Jeff and MacKenzie and many other mogul couples, could attend any couples retreat, meet with any therapist/coach, and invest in any intervention to save their marriage.

But they don’t.

Which raises the question for the rest of us… what chance do WE have in our own marriage? Or more specifically, you can ask, what chance do YOU have in saving YOUR marriage?

And what can we learn from the divorces of the rich, successful, and famous?

That is what I cover in this episode of the Save The Marriage Podcast (and let me just be clear, I have not coached or interacted with anyone I mentioned above — although I have had many interactions with very successful people in very unhappy marriages… and the lessons are the same).

Listen in below.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: RSS

Hope vs. Hopelessness

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

February 5, 2020

Miranda asked me, “What do I do? My spouse is hopeless that we can save our marriage. I’m losing hope, too.”

A couple of weeks ago, I did a training for members of my VIP Program, noting three barriers in the way of a spouse working on the marriage… along with how to respond. One of those barriers is hopelessness.

But if a spouse is hopeless… how can you hold onto hope?

There is an equation of hope: hope = goal + pathways to goal + action to get there.

If you noticed from the equation, a spouse (you) can choose hope, even when a spouse is hopeless. Especially if you recognize that the hopeless spouse cannot see that goal… cannot see a way forward (a path)… and therefore, can’t see a way to take action.

There are traps at each of those three elements of hope… and if one is not present, it isn’t really hope. So, let’s talk about how to grab each element, keep it in place, and keep moving forward.

Listen to the episode below.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: RSS

When Your Spouse Can’t See A Way Forward – Limiting Beliefs

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

July 17, 2019

We all have limiting beliefs. You… me… and your spouse! I always work to change my limiting beliefs. You are probably doing the same. But you can’t just change your spouse’s limiting beliefs!

What is a limiting belief? It is a mostly-FALSE belief. But more than that, it is one that keeps you stuck… unable to see bigger possibilities. Potentials for change.

Mostly, limiting beliefs are about what CAN’T happen, what is NOT possible.

Even when there are possibilities.

Even when things CAN change.

If someone can’t see a way to move forward, they are unlikely to be willing to try to move forward. So, they stay stuck. And if it is a spouse who can’t see forward on saving your marriage, it can keep YOU stuck, too!

In this episode of the Save The Marriage Podcast, I respond to JJ’s question about how to deal with her spouse’s belief that “if a marriage was meant to be, it would be easy.” I also address several other false/limiting beliefs… and what to do about them.

Listen in below.

(Have a question you want answered on a future podcast? EMAIL ME HERE — let me know if you want me to use a pseudonym! Make sure the question is one that can help others. I’ll try to answer!)

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: RSS

Why I STILL Believe In Marriage

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

May 22, 2019

I suppose I have seen marriages in pretty tough spots. Destructive and hurting, I’ve watched relationships both heal and end. I’ve also had the privilege of seeing some pretty amazing marriages.

So, when I was asked by a client a few days ago, “After all this time, do you really still believe in marriage?”, I paused. Not because I wasn’t sure about my answer. I just wanted to be clear about my answer.

Somewhat flippantly, I replied, “Believe in it? I’ve seen it! I’m even in one!”

But more deeply, that question triggered me. Yes, of course I still believe in marriage. I work with hurting marriages every day. I coach, teach, and even push people toward better relationships, healthier marriages.

Still, that question….

WHY do I believe in marriage?

Because the problem is not with marriage. It’s with how we do it.

Culture certainly needs to act to help with people who are getting married… so that people are better prepared.

But guess what? YOU can act to improve your marriage…. That makes all the difference, as we work to save and improve marriages one relationship at a time.

Listen to the podcast episode below.

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: RSS