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Chronic Conflict In Marriage

Marriage Lie #1: “If It’s Work, It’s Wrong”
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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Marriage Lie: "If you have to work on it, it’s wrong.” How to view struggle in your marriage, for healing and hope.“I give up,” he said, throwing up his arms.  He was ready to leave the session.  But before he walked out, I asked, “Can you tell me what just happened? Why are you giving up?”

He told me, “Look, we have struggled during this marriage.  Not just now.  Other times.  I just believe that if you are struggling in a marriage… if things aren’t just moving forward… it isn’t meant to be.  It’s wrong.”  And he turned to leave.

I responded, “Well, that’s a big fat lie you are believing!”

He stopped, looked back at me, and said, “You have 10 minutes to prove me wrong.”

This wasn’t the only time I have encountered this lie.  And let me be fair:  he wasn’t meaning to lie to me.  But he was.  In reality, though, he was repeating a lie he believed.  There is nothing so dangerous as a lie that we believe, but is entirely false!

My client was ready to leave his marriage because he believed the lie.

In this episode of the Save The Marriage Podcast, I start a series on the Lies of Marriage.  These lies are things people believe (and act on, because they believe them) that are false, untrue… a lie.  But when they take on a life of their own, they unnecessarily destroy marriages.

In this first episode, I tackle the lie, “If you have to work on it, the marriage is wrong.”

Listen below.

RELATED RESOURCES
Who I am and Why I do What I do
The Truth About Conflict
Marriage Challenges
Save The Marriage System

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Chronic, Crisis, Flashpoint, Tipping Point – What Happened??
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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When the chronic marital issue becomes a marriage crisis -- the flashpoint of the crisis -- it crossed a tipping point.“What happened?”, they ask me.  They tell me they knew things weren’t great… but they had no idea that things were “this bad,” to the point that a spouse is threatening separation or divorce.

Suddenly, a chronic marriage problem becomes a marriage crisis.

They can’t believe “that one argument” led to the threats of divorce.

And they are exactly right.  That was just a flashpoint.

At some point, most chronic issues have a tipping point, when they go from chronic to crisis.  it happens with health issues.  And it happens with relationship issues.

Nothing is great… but not horrible… until everything turns upside-down.  The problem erupts into a crisis.

If that is what happened to you, you need to understand the dynamics behind this.  I cover those dynamics in today’s podcast.  Listen below.

RELATED RESOURCES
Connection
Conflict
“How I Saved My Marriage”
System To Save A Marriage

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