critical spouse

I was a bit surprised when he pulled out a list from his pocket.  He told me it was a list of all the problems his spouse had.  I was so surprised that it took me a minute to respond.

By then, he had already launched into his list.  He had it categorized into “appearance,” “habits,” “issues,” and others I refused to listen to.

He was just getting ready to highlight each category when I said, “Where is the list of her great qualities?  Where is the list of YOUR shortcomings?  Where is the list of relationship strengths and weaknesses?”

If you are thinking, “What a jerk,” I caution you.  Most of us have his list somewhere in our minds.  We have a list of places where our spouse falls short, could improve, might want to consider.

That list is rarely (I would say “never,” but someone might prove me wrong) helpful.  It is a critical (and probably not completely accurate) list that misses all those great qualities that attracted you in the first place.

To be clear, we ALL have places where we could learn, stretch, and grow.  That is not the issue. The issue is that spouses often get caught up in looking at the shortcomings — and ignore those other areas.

What if we flipped it?  What if we spent MOST of the time looking at the strengths and great qualities?  What if we were to look to be supportive — not critical — and cheering our spouse on?  What if we became the president of our spouse’s fan club?  Not just a fan, but a raving fan?

We violate this Immutable Law of Marriage on a regular basis.  Here’s how to fix it.

Immutable Laws Of Marriage Series
#1 Marriage Is About Becoming A WE
#2 Marriage Is NOT A Vehicle for Happiness (Or Misery)
#3 We ALL Have Fear
#4 There Is NO Pause
#5 Connection Is The Lifeblood
#6 The Goal Of Conflict Is Progress
#7 Love Is What You Do

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: RSS