does marriage therapy work – Save The Marriage: Even if only YOU want to!

Therapy or Bust!

https://savethemarriage.com/stmblog/wp-content/themes/corpus/images/empty/thumbnail.jpg 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. https://secure.gravatar.com/avatar/669b7e375d93f77521ddaba08adb8063?s=96&d=blank&r=pg February 10, 2021 February 8, 2021

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

February 10, 2021

We had been talking for at least half an hour. I was discussing some thoughts about her marriage problems as she was trying to figure out what to do. I noted where the problems started and how she might start repairing.

Fact is, that is why people are on my website, listen to my podcast, grab my System, or seek me out. They want a loving, connected relationship and right now, it has problems they can’t quite solve. But they know something has to change, or they are headed for deeper problems and even divorce. So, I work hard to show a way forward.

I was pretty open with my concerns about therapy with this caller. She had heard my podcasts on the subject and knew I had major reservations. (Statistics are pretty clear on this topic.)

Which is why I was a bit surprised when she asked, “So, could you recommend a therapist?”

Okay, admittedly, I was not overly surprised. I get the same request on a regular basis. That, in spite of my clear discussions about marriage therapy issues, problems, and limitations. (And yes, I was trained as a marriage therapist. Yes, I have lots of therapist friends. Yes, I am even married to one. And yes, I still have concerns.)

I guess I was more surprised because we had, even just five minutes earlier, discussed my concerns. Yet, here we were. Looking for a therapist.

“Therapist or Bust,” it would seem!

Did I recommend a therapist? Nope. Because I don’t do that. For several reasons. I discuss my concerns and reasons on this episode of the Save The Marriage Podcast. I look at why we default to a method that has pretty poor outcome results. I look at some basic problems with the therapy approach, and discuss when therapy does make sense. Avoid the traps and you are well ahead of the game!

Listen in below.

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Am I Against Therapy?

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

January 23, 2019

I spent way more time in school than I would like. To be honest, I never enjoyed school. Not when I was a kid. Not in high school. Not in college. And not in 3 rounds of grad school (2 Master’s and 1 Ph.D.).

But I spent that time in school because I had a goal. To be a therapist. So, I did extensive training, focusing on marriage and family therapy.

So why am I critical of therapy?

Partly because I have seen it from the inside. Partly because I have seen the outcome studies of therapy — particularly marital therapy.

Which raises the question: am I opposed to therapy?

The answer: not in theory. And not even in some specifics.

When couples are ready to make changes, and when they work with a therapist who is specifically trained in marriage and family therapy theory, and who is skilled… the outcome can be excellent.

I know many couples who have benefitted. And I know some pretty amazing therapists.

But overall, the stats are not good. At least, in terms of saving marriages. 1/2 of all marriages that get therapy end up divorced — the same stat that applies to the general population.

There are some specific reasons why therapy often falls short. Some have to do with therapy/therapist. Some have to do with clients/couples.

I discuss why there are issues in this week’s Save The Marriage Podcast.

If you have tried therapy and it didn’t work, or if you don’t want to do therapy, please grab my Save The Marriage System

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