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expectations and agreements

Marriage Wrecker: Expectations
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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Expectations can wreck your marriage. Learn how in this episode of the Save The Marriage Podcast.

“What can I expect from my spouse?”  That was the lead question.  Because over and over, her expectations had not been met.

“Expectations,” I told her, “can wreck your marriage.”

“Which expectations?”, she asked.

I noted, “Any.”

But shouldn’t you have expectations?  Shouldn’t you be able to expect things from your spouse?

Let me ask you question:  How’s that going so far?

Some expectations are explicit.  Others are implicit.  Some are internal.  Others are external.

And generally, expectations fail.

That same person said, “So I should just expect my spouse to do nothing, is that right?”  I noted that she just changed to another expectation.  But still, it was an expectation.  And expectations cause problems.  Negative or positive.  They still cause problems.

The solution?  Actually, there are two parts.  Listen in as we take apart your expectations… and shift to something more helpful.

RELATED RESOURCES
Perception’s The Problem
Ways Your Marriage is Slipping Away
Importance of Connection
Back to Basics
The Save The Marriage System

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Give Up On Your Expectations
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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Give up on expectations. But make some agreements.Do you have expectations of your spouse?  Does your spouse have expectations of you?

How’s that working out?

If you are like most couples, those expectations fail.  Expectations aren’t met.  Resentments grow.  Disconnection creeps in.

Pretty soon, you both feel frustrated and angry.

Sound familiar?

There is a simple reason for this:  Expectations never work.  If you do what is expected, then you have only gotten to zero.  Not above the line.  Just to the line.

If you don’t meet the expectation, there is failure and disappointment.

Oh, and I forgot to tell you:  expectations are just the way you believe other people should act.  Which is far different than how people do act.

In marriage, the expectations can be about most anything:  chores, parenting, money, intimacy, friends, hobbies, and any other area you can think of.

Some are spoken.  Many are unspoken.  And most end in failure.

Which raises the question:  what do you do?

Give up on expectations (but not the marriage).

Listen to the podcast below and discover what I mean, and how to re-orient yourself — not just in marriage, but in life.

 

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