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Posts Tagged :

hurting marriage

Is It Too Toxic??
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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When is a marriage too toxic to save?You probably know that I’m on the side of your marriage.  I’m all about saving a marriage.

But does that mean that EVERY marriage will be saved, or even should be saved?

No.

First, there are times when BOTH people want to leave the marriage.  At that point, there is nothing that WILL save the marriage.  There has to be energy from AT LEAST one person, in order for anything to change.

Second, there are times when the toxicity level is high, creating a toxic situation for the spouses.  In fact, there are 3 times when it MAY be too toxic.  And there is 1 time when it absolutely too toxic to work on the marriage.

Let me tell you 5 symptoms of elevated toxicity, 3 times you may need to step back, and 1 time you definitely need to step back from the marriage.

RELATED RESOURCES:
Domestic Violence Help
Anger & Resentment
Coping
Issues And Marriages
Save The Marriage System

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Taking Back the Hurt
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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We all do it.  We say something in the heat of the moment… and feelings get hurt.

Sometimes, though, that can be the “last straw,” that final tap over the edge that leads to crisis.  For a listener of my podcast, “R,” that is what happened. He wrote me, asking, “how could I take back the strong/attacking/hurtful words I said to my wife.”

I answer him in this episode of the Save The Marriage Podcast.

But before I answer that specific question, I go into some dangers of separation (they ended up in an “in-house” separation).  And I pull apart the myth of “work on myself OR work on the relationship.”

As is often the case when I respond to an email question, this doesn’t just apply to R.  It may very well apply to YOU!

(Oh, and by the way, if you have the “Goldilocks question” — not too broad, not too specific, but just right — send me your question for possible answers in future podcast episodes. I tell you how in the podcast episode.)

You can listen to the episode below.

RELATED TOPICS:
Apologies
Forgiving
Working on Yourself
Dealing with Separation
Save The Marriage System

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“I Saved My Marriage!”
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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HowYouSavedYourMarriageMany times, in the midst of trying to save a marriage, the anxiety and fears can lock you up, overwhelmed with what to do next.

When that happens, the outcome is often a lack of change, motivation, or action.

And things continue in the downward spiral.

So today, I want to invite you to use your imagination — a little Jedi mind trick.  Imagine that you DID save your marriage.  You HAVE created a loving, supportive, respectful marriage.  You look forward to spending time together.  Your issues resolve themselves peacefully and effectively.

Now, you are looking back to see what you did, in order to save your marriage.  You notice how you approached the situation, how you dealt with the issues, and how you moved forward — even in the face of frustration and difficulties.

In today’s podcast, we reflect on “what you did” to save your marriage — and by doing that, we create a path for you to do just that:  Save Your Marriage.

Listen below.

(and if you are ready to take action, CLICK HERE FOR MY SYSTEM)

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Marriage Wrecker: Disconnection
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
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A marriage wrecker is disconnection. Disconnection can eat away at the foundations of your marriage, creating a vicious cycle, leading to relational collapse.Your marriage is hurting.  Why?  What happened?  What wrecked your marriage?

In the last podcast episode, I discussed how expectations can wreck a marriage.

But unfortunately, there are some other issues and concerns that can wreck your marriage.  This week’s Marriage Wrecker is right at the top of the list.

In fact, it is a recurring theme in my work with couples.  After discussing it in several coaching sessions in the last few days, I thought it was a good topic for an episode of the Save The Marriage Podcast.

What is connection?  What is DISconnection… and why does it happen?  We start there.  We discuss how connection is the life-blood of your relationship… and what happens when it gets squeezed off… often for what seem like good reasons!

The result, though, is the same, even when disconnection is unintentional. (And it almost always is.)

I also cover what to do when you realize the cycle and are ready to break it (what to know and how to approach it, so you don’t get thrown off).

Listen to this important episode below.

RELATED RESOURCES
Danger of Expectations
Connection and Disconnection Resources
Pause Button Marriage
Book:  How To Save Your Marriage In 3 Simple Steps
System:  Save The Marriage

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When Is It Too Toxic?
 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.
By:

When is a marriage too toxic to save?You probably know that I’m on the side of your marriage.  I’m all about saving a marriage.

But does that mean that EVERY marriage will be saved, or even should be saved?

No.

First, there are times when BOTH people want to leave the marriage.  At that point, there is nothing that WILL save the marriage.  There has to be energy from AT LEAST one person, in order for anything to change.

Second, there are times when the toxicity level is high, creating a toxic situation for the spouses.  In fact, there are 3 times when it MAY be too toxic.  And there is 1 time when it absolutely too toxic to work on the marriage.

Let me tell you 5 symptoms of elevated toxicity, 3 times you may need to step back, and 1 time you definitely need to step back from the marriage.

RELATED RESOURCES:
Domestic Violence Help
Anger & Resentment
Coping
Issues And Marriages
Save The Marriage System

Podcast: Play in new window | Download

Subscribe: RSS