I’m not happy – Save The Marriage: Even if only YOU want to!

When You Can’t Make Your Spouse Happy

https://savethemarriage.com/stmblog/wp-content/themes/corpus/images/empty/thumbnail.jpg 150 150 Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D. https://secure.gravatar.com/avatar/669b7e375d93f77521ddaba08adb8063?s=96&d=blank&r=pg September 2, 2020 August 31, 2020

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

September 2, 2020

Many a marriage crisis emerges when a spouse declares, “I’m not happy.” It is really a statement about discontent with the relationship.

But many respond by assuming they now know what they need to do: make their spouse happy.

Which sets in motion an impossible task: making another human happy.

Why won’t it work? Why can’t you make your spouse happy?

Because a) it isn’t your responsibility, and b) it isn’t in your control.

In this week’s Save The Marriage Podcast episode, I dive in on why your efforts to make your spouse happy will fail. We discuss what you can control and what you can’t. And I give you four places to shift your focus, so that you can make progress in your efforts.

Listen below to learn why you can’t make your spouse happy… and what to do, instead.

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“I’m Just Not Happy”… The Excuse to Leave?

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

January 29, 2020

What do you do when a spouse declares, “I’m not happy,” as the reason the marriage has to end? Or how about, “You’re not happy,” or “I can’t make you happy”?

I have heard this reason given over and over. It is a common (but false) belief that a marriage needs to end because spouses can’t make each other happy.

The fact is, you cannot make your spouse happy. And your spouse can’t make you happy. But that isn’t even the goal!

(Just to be fair, it is possible to make someone miserable! But make them happy? Nope. Not possible. Ever.)

What does it mean when a spouse wants to end a marriage due to “not being happy”? And what do you do? How do you respond?

That is the topic of our conversation on this episode of the Save The Marriage Podcast. You can listen below.

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Why “Space” Is Hard

By: Lee H. Baucom, Ph.D.

February 27, 2019

So many marital crises start with this phrase, “I’m not happy.” In panic mode, a spouse reacts and things get worse.

The next step is often, “I need space.” But that is even scarier! And in panic mode, a spouse reacts and things get worse.

Maybe an in-house separation. Maybe a full separation. Emotional separation becomes physical separation.

All from a spouse stating an emotional state of concern: “I’m not happy.”

One part of dealing with a marital crisis is dealing with “emotional space.” It is crucial to understand emotional space.

Today, I want to discuss why that emotional space is so difficult to manage. Why do people get sucked into taking actions that cause more issues? Why do people find it so hard to give a spouse that requested “space”?

We discuss why “space” is so hard on this episode of the Save The Marriage Podcast. Listen below.

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